The ReaSon

2007-11-22T09:27:00.001+08:00

i realised that i ve been deluding myself for sometime now.

the thing about it all is that there are 24 hours each day and a year with 365days adds up to quite abit. so... the point is, what you see is really small. but when u do see the big picture. oh well.

nothing can go away if its never there.

moved. http://dottles.livejournal.com

2007-11-13T23:18:00.000+08:00

You came and gave to me,
A heart and helped me breathe.
Like the ocean and its tide, you gave me life.
and beneath your weary eyes,
the hardness tries to hide,
but a child could recognize your love inside.

maybe its going away,
maybe its going away now,
maybe its going away,
maybe its going away now.

your heart, your heart, your heart.

maybe its going away, your heart.

2007-11-08T00:20:00.000+08:00

consider the following..

1+1 = 2
1 x 1 = 1
2+2 = 4
2 x 2 = 4
3+3 = 6
3 x 3 = 9

hence, why is it that

1+ 2 = 3
1 x 2 = 2
but
2 + 3 = 5
2 x 3 = 6

it just isn't fair.

don't u just love maths. heh.
go figure.

2007-10-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

Hide me now,
under your wings.
Cover me,
Within Your mighty hand.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father you are King over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

Find rest my soul,
In Christ alone.
Know His power,
in quietness and trust.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father you are King over the flood,
I will be still and know You are God.

2007-10-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

she just has to smile to blow my cares away,
she just has to touch my hand and make me stay.

love songs like that just make studying so dreamy.

2007-10-14T23:52:00.001+08:00

i feel tired.
i feel inadequate.

i feel jaded.

2007-10-11T23:43:00.001+08:00

enlistment 10jan08.

thanks ar.

2007-10-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

i have felt so sure last night,
that once we said goodbye.
no one else will know these lonely dreams,
no one else will know that part of me.
i'm still driving away,
and i'm sorry everyday.
i won't always love these selfish things,
i won't always live, not stopping..

it was my turn to decide,
i knew this was our time.
no one else will have me like you do,
no one else will have me, only you.

you'll sit alone forever,
if you wait for the right time,
what are you hoping for?
i'm here, i'm now, i'm waiting.
holding on tight,
don't give away the end,
one thing that stays mine.

amazing still it seems,
i'll be 23.
i wont always love what i'll never have
i won't always live, in my regrets.

you'll sit alone forever,
if you wait for the right time,
what are you hoping for?
i'm here, i'm now, i'm ready,
holding on tight,
don't give away the end,
one thing that stays mine.

2007-10-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

so heres the prelims breakdown..

H2 Physics - D
H2 Chemistry - S (E if moderated)
H2 Mathematics - U (yes that sucks)
H1 Economics - C
H1 GP - C

so how? well, i m alright with the physics and chem, considering everyone did badly, but maths was really bad, cos u got people getting As and Bs and Cs,...... yea so i really need work on maths.
My 2 H1s got 58%, 2 points off a B. well i m quite pleased with my gp, at least all the work thats going into it is somewhat paying off, really shocked to get 29 for both papers. i can only thank God for blessing me with this grade, nothing else. Econs was quite a let down, well i guess thats what u get for being complacent and not taking econs too seriously this exam round.

so thats all for prelims.

Everybody's picking up the pace, its tough competition out there, somehow i dont feel part of the playing field of fear and like absoluteness. its good and bad i guess. i m sticking with good.

on another note, i think extremities are crazy. seriously. its not a matter of how much u can go, but how much it actually goes. after all, you re the one running your life, not them, so why be bothered to the extremes?

i m starting to think i m weird. seriously, when i have more time i ll explore this in greater detail.

if you fall in love,
fall in love and hold nothing back.
fall in love,
I'll fall in love and hold nothing back from you.

2007-10-01T23:57:00.000+08:00

i try and try but my obsession wont let me leave.

bahs.

2007-09-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

because you never let anyone close enough to hurt you.

2007-09-16T21:09:00.000+08:00

its not working!!

bahhh.

2007-09-12T17:30:00.000+08:00

Quiet, now.
Your voice sing miles away.
but somehow, i hear your song resound.
a little bit, softer each day,
from my tired heart, a little bit futher away.

i'll sing alone,
the whole day through.
just do your best to hear me,
thats all you can do...

You have my attention,
like you've had all the while.
since that first day you made my heart smile
with loving eyes and tired sighs that follow.
You have my attention,
like a shout, through an empty sanctuary
speak but a whisper; i ll hear a sermon.

i have no idea why, but i m totally in love with this song (again).

i got totally kan-ed in the maths prelim paper 1 today. makes me totally feel like chem tmr is gonna be great. so on that note i m not gonna talk about prelims.

my ipod cant be fixed. (well actually it can, but for about 80% of the cost price, so like yea what for?) i guess since it still works then thats fine, just hope it lasts.

i think apple products are cool.

i came out with a physics joke! no kid, well if u wanna hear it just talk to me about it.

my bro bought a hello panda tin. well as expected, it lasted about 2 days in my house. so the joy's over.

i cant think of anything except prelims. man this sucks. oh oh, my bro's going into bmt this friday. well it'll prob be a good experience for him i guess.

yea i m not feeling very random so, take care people! and study hard if u have to, if u dont have to, then errr, have fun? yea see you guys arnd..

2007-09-06T14:31:00.000+08:00

its been awhile since i blogged, and yes i do realise its a bad time to blog but anyway..

.i m losing drive to study. simply no motivation. wee.
.i can start counting the number of days until my prelims (the main papers) are going to start with one hand! thats a thought.
.they say talking about the weather is really .____. , but seriously i think its worth talking about the weather these few days. hello global warming and everything that comes with the package.
.i seriously need to get out of the house.
.my shoulders and back are starting to tense up, probably go for a swim early tmr morning or something.
.which reminds me i wanna do running, bball, cycling ALOT now. but hello A levels in less than 2 months. seriously, people with msn nicknames which countdown the number of days to A levels or with display pics showing 'you should be studying' should been banned from msn.
.my ipod is seriously giving way.
.my list of 'things i want to do after A levels' and 'movies i want to _____ after A levels' is getting quite long. i m afraid i might not have enough time to do all that in the slightly over one month break i have.
.which brings me to the thought that, looking at all the points above, my whole life revolves around the A's. thanks ar.
.i went to a roti prata place near NUS for dinner sometime last week. gosh they have the weirdest prata. ever seen a prata with egg, cheese and potato? same prata. or like bandung dinosaur? i mean we all know milo dinosaur but bandung? anyway its basically bandung charged with an extra dollar-.- anyway the potato was an overkill, all i could taste was that, which made the dinner pretty unsatisfying.
.food is an expensive necessity.
.cheers has this offer where u can get 2 500ml bottles of drink (pretty wide variety) for 2bucks. well i know the pokka one was there for a long time, but this time its really quite a variety. man the extend to which companies go to to make me spend money. so much for saving.
.senses fail kinda sucks live. but i think the recorded versions are great. hopefully its not the same case with panic.
.ffaf is in sg this week, performing. but wee prelims. dont we just love the education system.
.have i expressed my hatred towards chem and maths(at least the integration part) before? it just makes me so .____.
.on a brighter note, i think physics days are the only days which i really study. maths and chem days are just so longgg.
.my eldest brother has a girlfriend. as in seriously. Oo.

ok i shall continue my attempt to study chem. wish me good luck.

see ya muggers.

2007-08-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

In loving memory

Bow the knee;
Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see.
Bow the knee;
Lift your eyes toward heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.
And when you don't understand the purpose of His plan,
In the presence of the King, bow the knee.

a shout out to all those having exams, ADD OIL. it'll be over soon. ( i need people to tell me that soon >.<)

life's hard all around i guess.

2007-08-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

In loving memory.

'As for man, his days are as grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone. And its place remembers it no more.'
Psalm 103:15-16

i mean u really dont know what to say when things like this happen. the entire programme today came brought me to several thoughts, firstly, why me? secondly, why him? how are we suppose to be able to find Joy when the fragility of life is flashed before us. how are we to sing when a friend, is taken back home so early.

Because He lives.
its so simple, but its really not that easy to pull thru saying it.

there's always a reason.

Peace be with you.

its never nice to be unable to say proper goodbyes.

2007-08-11T18:36:00.001+08:00

hello everybody.

actually i dont know what to blog about, but i had this urge to drop something down here..

ypg today was pretty funny. i think everyone had a good laugh. there was this particular one that i think was really funny
p.mitch was talking about failure, often how pessimism takes central focus in life. he asked abt who was going to NS next year, well there was only joel and me. then he asked what pes?
joel: pes B
me: pes B
p.mitch: aiyo why all pes B? only ben quah pes A ar?
shiyun what about you?
shiyun gives a look.
THEN T.CHEN KEE SAID: no la she's just a pest. HAHAHAHA OMG LA.

well the whole ypg was filled with jokes like that, so its was really quite funny.
hope.

anyhow,

i noticed ko's personal msg, which actually makes sense, not to imply anything but: 'You're way too beautiful girl, thats why it'll never work'. haha makes sense? well u decide.

there's so much work. and i realised that there's never gonna be enuff time to revise b4 prelims. which implies my prelims grades are gonna be bad or at best mediocre. which is probably really gonna turn me off cos well i ve been studying. oh joy.

i get a bad feeling that next week is gonna be really draining.
sigh

but then again, more school is also good i guess. =X nvm.

i realised i m a sucker for songs like hands down and sunday drive. haha. anyway here's another potential. a lil screamo but its one of those songs (at least the last bit) which u can just sit back on a saturday night with a nice environment and relax to..

i m just a bad actor, stuck with a shady script.
all of my lines are cheap and the cast is weak.
there was no music for the first time i got kissed.
there was no femme fatale, my mistress wasnt rich.

please do this now i beg.
duct tape my arms and legs
throw me into the sea.

now watch the waves eat me
setting my cold heart free
i ll wash ashore in weeks.

2007-08-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

i actually feel like ranting now. no idea why but it seems as if i ve got alot of things to rant about now.

but ranting is bad. so decided that i ll try to minimize it.

. as blogged much earlier on this year, ___1 and ___1 = song bo? ____, ____, ___ and i had a conversation and it happened to crossed ______. it seems like i ve seen both sides of the stories now, and well what can i say man? people are given a choice in life, and what they do with it, i just hope they know thats all.

.this was suppose to be on something else, but i dont know why i feel kinda jaded when i think about it.

.since we re talking abt ___'s and ____'s, i realised that ____2 and ____2 also, well quite steady la. haha. i dont know if its good. the critic in me tells me somethings wrong. but i know for them its different, i just hope they realised that too.

.i read ____3's blog, made alot of sense. not many people arnd this age can think like that, and act like that.

.srjc rocks. anybody who doesnt agree should talk to me. well i mean other then the academic aspect, which obviously we are weaker, but i think Mr Tan's dreams abt SR will come true. someday.

.i actually wonder if anybody still reads this blog. u know its been i think three years or so since i ve set this blog up. of cos there was lapses of time where i just dint blog. i know i get random visits from people that i used to be pretty close with. then there's the group of anonymous taggers. afew people. but well i guess also good la. go figure.

.i think that ____4 is. ahem. not to mention, looks alot like ____5. maybe thats why i feel that way.

.senses fail and tbs sound alike.

.zek ar zek ar.

well cross my heart and hope to,
i m lying just to keep you here.
i'll keep you here,
i'll keep you here.

actually there's still a whole lot of things on my mind. but i think i ll stop here for now. i actually still feel jaded now. geez. this is bad.

you light the match, i ll stick around.

2007-08-04T22:38:00.000+08:00

well its been one heck of a week. thought i blog some things..

sweet penance for a sound

well i m glad to say the week has been pretty well used. well used in the sense that i managed to get a fair bit of revision done. well its still a long way to go, but i guess if u end school at abt 6 everyday, doesnt really leave u with much breathing space. oh i caught simpsons, HAHAHAAHAHA. i shallnt spoil the movie for u all but if anybody wants to watch it tell me ok? i dont mind re-watching it. hahaha.

been pretty tied up the entire week squeezing revision into my train rides, cutting back on breaks and lunch times to catch up on revision, well meet mugger me. yet the worse part is that it all seems insufficient and inadequate.

it wont hurt half as much, i beg of you to tell me something

i realised that after slowing the engine down a lil, catch up on some sleep, slack a lil, that i ve hadnt really had time to think things out like i usually do this week. well, that resulted in the week passing by pretty quickly, without u know much happening. but getting back into a sort of contemplative mood, i am like, damn.

when you see the joy in her eyes

i thought about old friends. chanced upon some old secondary school photos, and damn. i miss secondary school life. of cos that led me into wondering what i m gonna do with my life. the A's are coming but will be gone in no time. the break after A's seem all ready to spring out, got so many things i plan to do. ns will soon call and well thats gonna be another 2 years. God willing i ll be able to go to Uni (well if not i m pretty screwed but i ll talk about that some other time). coming out of that's gonna take me till i m probably like 23? i m like ********, damn i m old.

had a conversation with my bro sometime in the week, was talking abt how we re(as in the brothers in the family) are all growing up. (this conversation came up when we noticed our older brother spending more time outside and on the phone*rolls eyes*). you know the idea about your brother getting married, moving out, having kids. i mean being at a wedding of your OWN brother!! the thought's pretty weird. one glance back and the three of us were still cramming into one small room trying to get as much time out of the playstation. time flies.

pah lent me a book when i went of consultation on friday. well its really a VERY good book for gp. tonnes of content, insightful arguments, well now i know where she's been getting all her material to teach. i m almost done with the book, few pages left, and i realised so many things are happening, i mean like worldwide. you know, i always like to think, just imagine, u re going out to meet some friends in town, u re waiting for your friends at the mrt cos they are always late. u know there are like hundreds of people who pass u by, and u just stop to wonder u know, each one of them have (probably) totally different lives, all have a certain set of problems, things to think about, u know the whole complexity to human life and behavior. anyway, about the book, it was pretty critical towards the US government, but facts if u ask me. and it just seems the whole world is just driving itself to destruction.

which really kinda puts my life (as mentioned earlier) into some perspective.
if the world is gonna be hitting the 400 ppm CO2 limit by 2010, which implies well global warming^x, where x is large,
fossil fuel is dying out, with everybody trying to get more influence in the Persian gulf region causing huge instability in a already unstable region,
the nuclear arms race picking up even by more countries including potentials like india and china,
the US starting a preparing for potential military advantage with its development in space,
marginalization of global economies creating more unrest and making terrorism a whole lot easier to happen,
well basically the whole list goes on, i would pretty much bore u to death if i havent already done so.
if all these are gonna be happening in the next 5-20 years? thats gonna be when i m like 20+ 30? i m like crap, thats probably gonna eat right into the 'prime' of my life! things in the world are gonna change alot. i m trying to be optimistic abt the whole idea, but the facts are just too, too real. tension's gonna be building, everyone is preparing for a war that will probably only happen because they are preparing for it so hard. (if u get that sentence). the lack of political will is just, damn. and i m here wondering what i wanna do with my life. how apt.

u know with all those thoughts in mind, kinda makes u feel insignificant eh? i mean the whole idea of Education kinda looks small from this perspective. hell there's probably gonna be 7million scholars from china and india and another 40k from singapore, most of which i m pretty sure is gonna be more intectually brilliant and capable of great stuff. makes u feel kinda of shitty but hey man, hello earth.

so whats gonna set me apart from the other 7million+ graduates (if i do get to graduate) ? beats me. in fact its really starting to worry me. of cos i could just be mediocre, i dont wanna wish life was a dream cos it isn't .

and the beauty of it all, is that You've got it all planned out. admist all the uncertainty in life, the imminent possibility that the world's gonna crack some day, all planned out.

well its been a pretty long post now. its nice when you see so much more in life, when u see life from a bigger perspective and u can actually appreciate that perspective.

well i ll stop here for now. maybe when i got more time to think thru things i ll blog again.

you know its not so easy.
12 days gone by since i saw you last,
i ll give this one more try,
i ll give it all my best.
and i ll ask
what could you be doing that is so much fun,
without me by your side.
and i ll take a step back,
and let you ahead,
i will take a step away and see if u come back.
cos there's no more trying to make this so right,
no more trying tonight
we will never be the same.
taken from early november -sunday drive
i always liked this song.

2007-07-29T23:43:00.000+08:00

cant you come out to play.

well new week, fresh beginning, lets mug.

2007-07-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

the rules:
1. each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves.
2. people who get tagged needs to write in their blog of their own weird things as well and state the rules clearly.
3. in the end, you'll select 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

well liz tagged my name down so i guess here goes...

6 weird things about me:
1. i enjoy orchestra as well as rock music. screw loose somewhere there.
2. i'd like to think that the whole world is weird so that i feel normal.
3. i am a very shy person. well some people would reject violently but well thats what i think.
4. i dont eat fish/vegetables that my grandma cooks (she usually cooks dinner for the family, not to say she's a bad cook...), but i pretty much like eating vegetables and fish when i dine outside.
5. coffee does not keep me awake, it just prevents me from sleeping (there's a difference, go figure).
6. i would like to put on some weight.

well that was tougher than i thought, i think random thoughts are easier to generate. well i m suppose to choose six people to do this thing as well, but as with all these thingys, i ll just leave it to u guys. i mean if u re feeling bored or something here's something for u all to do...

i feel like ranting.

-----

i caught the truman show on i think it was star movies just awhile back. that opened some perspectives. so touching.

i cant find you. someone tell me why.

the weather over the past few days is just terrible. cloudy and rainy and all, well great for sleeping but its just affecting my mood.

my gp tutor said i have 'warped' english language. she figuratively tore my compo into bits when i had consultation on thursday. geez.

i should stay away from sappy love songs.

well i should stop now.
geez.

2007-07-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

well its been awhile since i ve blogged, few people came to tell me it was starting to collect dust and all. so heres one..

i thought that since everybody has been mugging like crazy this week, it would be pretty inappropriate to just blog, you know like blog for fun and all. so i decided to make this post(rather try to) educational =) ok here's what i intend to do.

we understand that when a sample size is large i.e. >50, most distributions can be taken as a normal distribution. for those who dont know what i m talking about, well basically there are different ways u can distribute data (statistics of whatever, eg. rainfall per year, no. of students doing____, no. of working adults etc etc...) a normal distribution is basically, literally normal. ie. the mean value will have the highest occurance, and the data spreads evenly about the mean. (bell shaped curve about the mean). if u have no idea what i m talking about till now, nvm.

ok so if u all remembered, some time back i posted 20 random thoughts. i thought this time i post 40! yes four zero. i dont think i m actually that random, but i ll try. so what i ll try to prove from this post is that by having a relatively large number of (random) thoughts, you will(or should) find that these thoughts are actually no longer random! because it would seem as if they are normal ie. normally distributed. ok lets try this.

1. my cats decided to munch on my ipod earphones AGAIN. great.
2. i got placed in band4 (suppose to be for pple who got A,B for mid years) for maths star(some supplementary class thing). thats crazy! i cant possibly get A or B, well at least in the mid years. i suspect my teacher put me there humiliate me.
3. i have an urge to play ball.
4. The gst increase is killing me. food has become so much more expensive.
5. i need to get a RELIABLE cd burner.
6. i m gonna miss ypg this saturday.
7. i feel like a cycle to east coast (again)
8. my fattest cat is becoming more friendly. :)
9. i realised that i mugged pretty hard this week. achievement.
10. If a singaporean goes to japan and buy a singapore imported good, is that considered as a -ve in the current acc, or a +ve in the capital acc?

11. bball alumni is this sunday from 730 to 5pm. i mean, i would like to go, i think it'll be fun meeting up to ball again, but......
12. timothy(the only guy who got A for h2 chem for mid years) was sitting infront of me during lecture today, i was noticing what he was doing, i realised he wrote in extremely big fonts. so thats what i plan to do to improve my chem. big fonts baby.
13. i was surfing the net, and found some stuff, apparently saosin was put in similar catergories to bjork ? and taking back sunday. i m guessing it was their first few albums and songs.
14. A levels is in less than 4months. great.
15. i need to get a new router. my current router really just takes leave whenever it wishes to. and that can get really irritating.
17. playstation emulator is like the best invention since err, the keyboard?
18. i think i m becoming highly unfit. i havent did any really good workout since forever.
19. on the note of fitness, i gained TWO KG!!!! so exiciting.
20. g-tec pens and nice to write with, but when i use them and write fast they turn out to be horrid and illegible. which of cos drives my gp and econs tutors up the wall.

21. did you realise that 16. was missing?
22. tissue paper is now starting to come in 3ply. thats crazy la. how thick man. its starting to feel like paper or something.
23. transformers is a great movie. action packed all the way. story's pretty ._. though.
24. joel lim has been mugging like crazy. he really surprised me with all the tutorial and extra papers done-.-
25. ytd's pe was boring like crap. i was like excited to go for pe since Wednesday la. then come thursday, cher say this cannot play, that cannot play. kao.
26.live earth concerts are quite a paradox.
27. clarice will be flying back to aussie soon. i hope she brings back my kangeroo and koala bear the next time she comes back. or at least starburst!
28. on the note of starburst, candy empire is a wicked place to be. its highly distracting and blows a hole in your pocket before you even know it.
29. i m starting to feel weird again. i havent felt this way since,,,, err jan feb? cant be a good sign.
30. i m not half as excited as anybody about catching harry potter. i guess i m not that big a potter fan.

31. these random thoughts are actually easier to come out then i thought!
32. what you re suppose to go figure in the previous post was suppose to be 'what business/industry am i referring to'.
33. there are some songs that you have to abstinent from before major exams. these include: paperthin hymn (anberlin), seven years (saosin), fences(paramore), let the flames begin(paramore), grim goodbye(red jumpsuit apparatus), some fall out boy songs, tbs has a few too. well u cant listen to them because they get stuck in your head. then through out the paper it just plays over in your head over and over again.
34. i still cant believe i m in band 4. yes this piece of news has stuck me the entire day.
35. i go to chem and maths lectures for all the wrong reasons.
36. kfc meal prices have jumped from 5.95 to 6.20 (i think) thats crazy. i m gonna get so broke if i ever feel like the buddy meal thing.
37. i find myself lame. ask ls, ht and jer. man i m still laughing at my own joke like 6 hours after i cracked it?
38. bill gates is a real life savior with the whole charity work he's been doing in india. somehow though........ nvm.
39. practical arguments are often one sided and philosophical arguments often lack pragmatism. and we wonder why our gp sucks.
40. mrs sim conducted the temperature taking excercise today as if it were some national day celebration. ' wave your thermometer in your hand ...' you know like waving the singapore flag or something.i found it kinda err, inappropriate.

well that wasnt as hard as i thought it would be. i think i could go on to 50, but maybe next time.
so what do u think? follows a normal distribution? well i m thinking its starting to resemble something more like a normal, but i guess the things in life are really vast, so its gonna need a lot more random thoughts before a central mean can be found i guess.

well that was a long post.

alright then. mug hard people.

2007-07-02T17:45:00.000+08:00

on a random note,

in this industries, many oligopolies, and small emerging firms strife to exist.
there have been eras of monopolies, but often are few and short-lived.
as we learnt, oligopolies in general, due to large economies of scale, somewhat ability to set price, are capable of earning supernormal profits.
they also have the potential for dynamic efficiency to be obtained should R&D be an aspect which they develop.
hence, they are able to produce more and sell at a higher Price above market equilibrium.
this makes life an uphill climb for smaller firms.
with near negligible economies of scale, small firms have to absorb high costs of infrastructure and capital costs.
so you might be wondering, if barriers to entry into this trade are reasonably high with the presence of oligopolies(sometimes natural monopolies), why do this small firms bother trying to get in? well u see, this business is suppose to be the route which has the greatest potential for future success measured by material well being(obviously non-material wellbeing is not taken into consideration at all).
in singapore the situation is highly competitive. this good thing is, the govt has implemented certain policies that aid firms in getting into the industry. these includes subsidies and guidance from experienced firms. the bad thing is of cos, that each firm must produce a minimum quantity at a reasonable price such that TR-TC is statistically nice to look at.
hence, sometimes smaller firms which are unable to enter into the industry successfully, fall out.

ok go figure.
maybe if i can think of stuff thats relevant i ll post it in the next post.

2007-06-28T21:37:00.000+08:00

pray not for a lighter, easier load

are there no shadows where you are?
i can see everything as day.
problems that you try to hide away,
pushing me aside, pushing me aside.
could the winter clam come twice?
cos your heart seems so cold tonight,
thirst for substance somehow isnt right.
its killing me inside, killing you inside,
killing me inside.

are you so naive to right and wrong?
how could you watch innocence forgone?
does what we've done ever really belong?
its wasted me away,
i feel so wasted away.
God if you can hear me out alright,
please take these feelings for her inside.
My chest hurts when i breathe tonight.
its wasted me away, you're wasting me away,
wasting me away.

I don't wanna be where you are,
I don't wanna be here even now,
I don't wanna be by your side,
something isn't right,
something isn't right.

This is our last goodnight,
Say what you will,
Say all that you can,
Words have no meaning
When I've seen where you've been.

This is our last goodnight,
Say what you will,
Say all that you can,
This is our last goodbye,
This is where love ends.

but pray for strength and grace to equal the task.

2007-06-21T23:59:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me!. ok right.

well its 12am right now, so actually i shld be saying happy birthday to my bro, his birthday is on the 22nd. so cool right? anyway.

i kinda got a shock today at the birthday wishes, really wanna thank all my friends out there. i never knew some of them actually remembered! ok i m gonna try to name them all, but if i miss your name out tell me ok?

ok lets go: my family of cos, may, anna,jenny, liz, eugene, samuel, tap som bong(ok ivan),jesslin, alan, huiling,shiping,christina, haran, eugene, alan, joyce, joelle, gurvin, eugene (yes 3 different eugenes), anastasia, elgin(ok i think his birthday msg was the funniest), vinod, bing song, jierong, anna (again), garmeng, davin(yes there's actually another davin out there, its not his actual name, but he gave himself the name COS HE THOUGHT IT WAS COOL OK!. i m serious, u can go ask him yourself.), daryl, boon lay, clarice, ... errr thats all thats in my head right now. but THANK YOU. gosh i m so thankful for these pple, u know i havent seen some of them in eons la. nice to hear from them again.

mr ho viewed my friendster profile, lol i thought he dropped a birthday wish but awww. that would have been interesting.

well thats about the end of the birthday stuff.

on another note, i havent been reporting cycling incidents to you all in awhile right? haha i m sure u've been missing the excitiment=X. was talking to my bro just now, he was telling me 'how come when i cycle i never get these kind of funny things(funny things have a pretty broad defination here, like chasing/racing with buses, racing with other cyclist on the road(yes u have no idea who they are), meeting very weird cycling personalities, and a whole basket of other stuff). he said its the way i cycle 0o? i have no idea if there's a difference but oh well.

well so there has been some exciting cycling stuff that happened over the hols. its really quite long to post it all down, feeling abit lazy..... so>>

ok i ll see how the mood goes..

well this one's pretty easy to talk about.. was cycling back from east coast last thursday from the batch outing. that was about 11+ i think. when i passed e stadium i saw the bus 31. heh. so exiciting already right? ok since i wanted to sweat it out a lil, i decided to race it. (31 from stadium there would be taking the exact same route as i would be cycling down kallang all the way till pass my house) well it was all good, was infront of it thanks to the bus stops. all the way till the last junction-.- i think he got sick of being led by a cyclist, so when the light turned green, gosh u could hear his engine roar la. and yea so he overtook me, but well i was already at my house already, so i guess its all good. my thighs got pretty soar over that incident though.

gosh this post is already so long. still got one exciting thing to talk about at east coast just recently, but i think i'll save that for next time.

anyway, went down to east coast just awhile back. u know i've been to east coast quite abit this hols, but never really got the chance to head down all the way down to changi jetty. so i headed over, then there was the exciting events along east coast, but i'll talk of that some other time. so when i reached the jetty, well they dont on the lights there anymore, so its pretty dark, luckily my front lights were pretty strong. just sat there and you know, enjoy the sea breeze, watch the planes fly by. its really relaxing. i mean just picture having coldplay's fix you in you ears, everything in a 50m radius is pretty dark along a jetty, u re sitting on this rock-stool thingy with your bike resting on it as the only light source coming from your front lights shining on your wheels. u see planes flying over you, and their really close to you, i mean they look huge! and u know when they fly by, the whole jetty suddenly illuminates just for that few seconds, and u re looking up watching it fly away further and further, man its a wonderful feeling.

so that topped off the day pretty much i guess.

haha thats really long, i think i m gonna stop posting for awhile. mid years coming. take care pple, and err, smile! =D

2007-06-20T22:17:00.000+08:00

i just need to screw up my life once so badly, till everyone thinks i m a loser, then maybe i ll find myself some renewed reason and strife to get successful someday. you know go take drugs, drinking or something. if you all dont believe me, its true you know. i mean read the papers, u hear tonnes of stories abt young kids screwing up their lives, and because of the lesson learnt or because they're changed the are renewed with a fervor that normal pple like you and i would only dream about. not too long ago, some teen who travelled to malaysia often to perform gigs, was caught for trafficking drugs. u know he was actually pretty good with his band and all, had a future but screwed up with the drugs. well guess what, after prison, he went to do charity work, some anti drug thing, community involvement and all, guess what, he got an award ok, some big award recoginised by SEA ok, not some singapore small fry award. dude this guy's successful now man. and you know this isnt the end of the list. its pretty inexhaustible man.

was talking to ww earlier today, mentioned that the teachers were expecting many many many many people to fail the mid year. expectly so, considering its our first shot at the full paper. it only has a hell lot of topics per subject thank you. and my revision is moving like a slug. great. more reasons why i shld go screw up my life. the joke was that if u could get 30 points u'll probably be like top 100 in the school or something. now that was funny. but i doubt it. i m sure there are people(note the term used, not geeks or nerds. i do respect these people) who actually are ready or at least somewhat prepared for the mid years who will no doubt score over 50 points and all. great.

man i m feeling all emo and all. i think i need to change my genre of music again. u know take a break from all the heavy stuff. its probably getting to me.

1. i need to go running. quite badly.
2. i should go get a new blogskin for my birthday.
3. i m not looking forward to mid years.
4. i need a time machine or something. you know movies always have this clishe part where they ask the lead if you would have done it in another way given a chance and they always say no? yea i think i m a rebel now. haha unless of cos this is part of the screw-up-my-life part.

i wanted to end this post with lyrics from breaking benjamin's song 'water' but i realised if i did u guys would start thinking i m going suicidal and all. lol. so well i ll end of 'all i ask of you', phantom of the opera soundtrack. lol.

no more talk of darkness,
forget these wide eyed fears
i m here, nothing can harm you
my words will warm and calm you.
let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry your tears.
i m here, with you beside you,
to guard you and to guide you.

Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light
you re safe, no one will find you
your fears are far behind you.

all i want is freedom,
a world with no more night,
and you, always beside me
to hold and to hide me.

then say you'll share with me one love one lifetime.
let me lead you from your solitude.
say you'll need me with you here beside you,
anywhere you go, let me go too.
thats' all i ask of you.

haha now i m feeling all fluffy and all.

take care people.

grim goodbye

2007-06-17T18:12:00.000+08:00

Don't you try to take me down,
don't you try to take me over,
won't you try to break me?
The complexities moving in,
and I feel that I do not have the strength,
tragedies plaguing me solemnly
Its affecting my will

but Wait now that I've found you,
situations from dark now change to gray
Disregarding my absence of memories,
its perpetually blinding me of sanity,
and just when I'm giving in,
as I try to scale these walls
Jericho falls around me
and I feel that I've strayed too long

And darkness is fading in...and darkness is real

Oh my eyes
oh closing slowly
I try

Fate seems to recreate,
I just can not escape,
Something holds me down and makes me act a way I can't explain
Even now I can feel it coming over me choking me,
as I'm falling behind
You can say you know me,
but you have no clue what my dreams could show you

And darkness is fading in, and darkness is real

Oh my eyes
oh closing slowly
I try

I
Can't
Can't win

I feel something deep inside me,
I feel deep inside
I feel something deep inside me and I can't let this go, whoa,
I feel something deep inside me and I can't let this go, whoa,

Lie, as I try to steer clear, and I try to stay sober
This is taking me over,
And my dreams complicate it...

I just can not let this go
I tried so many times to tell you
I just I can not let this go,
I just can not win

See you
I see you falling away
I see you...you
Killing me softly
I see you...you falling away I see you...you

Don't take what's in front of me, open eyes can see I have everything
Tell you don't take what's in front of me, tell you don't take what's in me

Lie, which one lied?
When I feel it come a way, way that's why I try...lie

I see you coming my way
dreams may fall more everyday
I see you looking my way

And I've tried just to separate dreams from reality watch to satisfy this wanting,
Try to stay righteous, try to stay sober, but then, I can't win

And I know you, and I know you, and I know you...
Lie

2007-06-15T12:19:00.000+08:00

well its been really some time since i last blogged, so here's one for u people.

well first up, how's the revision going right? well please dont ask me that question. cos i really feel its impossible to complete all 20 chapters from physics, 21 for chem and i dont wanna count the rest for maths and econs during the holiday period. so somehow, i think my earlier goals for mid years are gonna be quite screwed.

anyway.

the first 2 weeks of the holidays were screwed up by school. lessons till like 3 everyday. which is really quite dumb right? i got some schoolmates who have lessons in the holidays which last longer then if it were a normal school day la. how retarded is that?

ohoh, the wedding on sat was really beautiful. everything about it was wonderful.

ok i cant rmb what happened on monday. i m pretty sure something did, but its not coming to me right now.

i went to changi to study with liz on tuesday. yes yes u might think thats crazy right? i mean changi is how far. but u know i realised its actually not _______________ that far. i mean its far la. but like 30-45min away only. it was pretty noisy there but i think i managed to get quite abit into that thing thats suppose to have a brain. oh and they shrunk the viewing gallery at T1. u know last time it extended all the way to swensens and to that playground thingy? now it ends at the part where u can see the BK(used to be a mac) inside the airport. which is quite dumb, cos u cant really see anything from the viewing gallery now.

Oh, random thought, i satisfied my craving for subway cookies. (3 for $2.75) shiok man.

on the same note, i think i shld stop stuffing myself with all these snacks. cos my economy cant support it-.- i spent like 4 bucks on bread snacking at changi la.

ok ok like wed morning (like 1am) alan asked me if i wanted to go balling later in the day (like 11). well i havent heard from alan since eons la. said that the ST pple(one the class combinations in my sec school) were balling. well i decided to drop by at pp to join them. man going back there brought so many memories. its like balling at PP itself was so different. saw alot of old faces, like sin teck, earnest, alan, kw, hong kai, dai hong,ming jun and yk. man they changed alot man. all dyed hair, long hair, smoking and all. quite a experience balling with them again.well balled for almost 3 hours, then i rained-.- which was quite retarded considering how sunny it was when we first started.

thurs went for the batch outing. went over to east coast for bbq and stuff. well expectedly so, everyone turned up fashionably late. i dont think it was a very productive outing, i mean it was pretty fun and all but somehow, i guess its missing the point.

well that about wraps it up i think. take care people!

2007-05-21T19:38:00.000+08:00

looks like i havent blogged in awhile. so heres an update for u guys..

i m feeling quite random today. the weather is just bizzare i tell you. today the heat was just like so still. so thick. bleh. probably killed a fair bit of brain cells.

1 i think that first love(a cafe in my school) is gonna close down pretty soon.the new cafe just owns la.

2 i suddenly feel like eating subway.(and their cookies!)

3 i think econs is really quite fun.

4. i think tai sun peanuts are good. u know there's this distinct difference between branded peanuts and those value savers type? the quality is worlds apart man.

5. i m hooked on the phantom of the opera soundtracks! in particular: the theme song, music of the night and all that i ask.

6. if a p-n junction connected in reverse bias widens the depletion layer making it more difficult for the current to flow, why dont u just use a resistor or something like that instead?

7. i think mr tan kim koon rocks. wait. i dont think, he does!

8. on a not so random note, mr cox rocks too. my inspiration to study for physics comes from him.

9.i think coffee doesnt really work for me, cos it doesnt keep me awake, it just prevents me from falling asleep. (there is a difference)

10. i think the speculations made at the start of the year about ___ and ____ are coming true. cool. life is so full of surprises.

11. i got a serious craving for sweet stuff. ie. sweet tooth. like iced bandung, ice milo, ice cream.

12. and pepsi.

13. global warming sucks. and the worse part is that nobody really seems to be doing enuff about it. whatever protocol that seems to be showing progress still aint gonna be enuff from our earth turning into one hell of a big oven.

14. i think ht's orange pen is quite cool. when he uses it to write it seems like a girl's handwriting(ie. its neat.) when i use it, well it just looks bad.

15. gp is on friday. (boo.)

16. my upload speed is higher than my download speed. gotta go reconfig those settings again.

17. i miss ______. i dont know why.

18. inflation in the school canteen sucks. we should all just pang seh them until they realise that profits are dropping and they'll be forced to lower prices.

19. rja should come out with some music videos or something.

20. A levels >>> davin

ok 20 random thoughts. see i m not THAT random right. its only 20.

well i think i ve got lots to do. so i better go get it done.

see u people arnd man.

2007-05-12T14:55:00.000+08:00

well its been a week since i ve last blog so heres one for u all..

start of the week was really hard for me. was facing a fair bit of problems with reality. just felt really weak. i mean not physically, but u get it. i just told myself i had to persevere i guess. it gets better..

so anyway i took my napfa on thurs. at first we were contemplating if we shld cos it was just super hot, but since mr koh said the weather is damn shiok we decided to go for it anyway.

so heres how it went.

pull ups. well i did my ten to get an A and stopped. didnt want to push myself considering i had another FIVE stations including 2.4 to take within that hour or so.
shuttle run was terrible, the track was super slippery. thruout that run i was restraining myself to make sure i wouldnt slip. ended up like 9.4s. i was hoping to get abt 9 flat anyway. but stupid ground.
next up was sbj. well i never could do sbj well. and thats the reason why i got a silver for napfa last year even though i had like 25/30 points-.- well this year i was aiming to get a C(>232) or if i m as lucky as my practise jumps a B(>240) well i jumped a 235. so oh well. sbj has always been my weakest.
did 59 situps. I TELL U. MR TENG PURPOSELY DONT LET ME HIT 60!. he was like standing next to me, when he heard jer count 59, and i was coming up on my 60th one before my elbows hit knees mr teng said stop times up. ZZZZ CAN? just like last year like that. nvm when i retake in week10 i m makign sure i hit 60.
sit and reach hit a 51. ok la. its an A so oh well.

NOW 2.4 was the killer. usually i run abt 10min. or slightly over that. its always within the A range (<10:21). style="font-style: italic;" size="1">
thank you.

so yeap. eventful week. i m all smiles.=)

i think that was pretty long. gotta work now. catch u all arnd. rmb to tag!

2007-05-05T19:49:00.000+08:00

'We are all actors on a stage, and a main plot line is the struggle over stigmas, in which we endlessly search for defects in others and desperately try to dupe these same people into not noticing our own.'

well there's some stuff to blog abt so here goes...

first up, my com has just got her birthday pressie! ok i m kidding, i have no idea when her birthday is, BUT she just got a new motherboard+graphics card. woots. its running alot smoother+less hangs and all so thats all good. =)

next, well on thurs liang song was asking me if i could help him step in for house captain for the sports day coming up as he would be having his band syf. suppose to recite some oath and all, some ceremonial procedures i guess. well i thought since it was directly after my class at six(-.-) i thought it shldnt be a prob. so aft class jer and me went down to the track. jer got some news that his 4x400 team which actually dint qualify for heats previously actually did, cos 2 other teams were actually disqualified. well the problem was, he was the only one there, so he needed to form a team of 4 if not cetus A would be auto disqualified. and yea, he asked ls,alan and me to run-.- thanks ar. so 5min before the actual run i got informed that i m running 4x400 and i went to change into my FREAKING smelly t-shirt. well so we ran. its was quite crazy, the 2 aquila teams were damn gay. so they dominated top two places. we were between 4-5 place until our last man ls took over the baton from alan(BTW, ALAN CRASHED INTO CS WHEN TOOK THE BATON OK! apparently cs dint get off the track after he ran). and i tell u i never seen liang song run with such vigour before! he took over until he finished the race with 3rd! my goodness. and so the team with 3 substitutes made clinched bronze when informed 5min before the event, and the fact that i have no idea how to run 400(technique and all, i actually signed up for 4x100 but i missed the heats). i think thats pretty good =X

i m really worried about mid years. theres so much to study for.

well i managed to satisfy my prata+dinosaur craving. but the prata was bad (gave me a stomach ache) the the milo was quite bleh also. i need to eat good food.

i m eating too much junk food. but on that note, i already cut down a fair bit ok. so its not that bad.

my legs are still a lil gooey from thur's 400m. must be the lack of stretching.

i think electrochem is tough.

i havent balled in awhile. edwin was asking on may day, but i was already gonna play badminton with my class pple. zz. shall find some time to ball.

economics is fun.

i want bandung.

i need to catch a movie soon.

i think the global warming is really getting to us, the weather has been so damn erratic la. its suppose to be the sunnny season but its like so cloudy and rainy. geez.

ok thats all i think. somehow i feel like i left something out but oh well.

'People are also desperately insecure about who they are and are constantly putting on little performances designed to present acceptable selves to the world. We are more worried about our "fronts", what is visible to other people than about what is going on inside us- sometimes to the point of sacrificing what is going on inside us.'

literature is just cool.

so i ll let your imagination run wild and free

you kissed like you meant it.

2007-04-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

I VE SOLVED THE MYSTERY OF ________ !!!!!!!

i feel quite proud of myself. heh.

but the truth does hurt eh?

geez.

2007-04-25T20:34:00.000+08:00

well its been some time since i blogged. guess i shld do some updating..

having had the mood to blog in awhile, beats me. anyway

well common test 2 is over. pretty glad it is. so heres my take on what i think

GP: probably get like a E or D if i m lucky. i think i wrote pretty poorly. i could have wrote much better but i guess somehow during the paper it just dint come to me. zzz. btw i m getting very very very worried abt gp.

Maths: actually i really dont know what i shld expect. i m thinking maybe a low C or D if i m not too careless. but i guess it could get pretty bad knowing my carelessness. so might drop to a S or E.

Phyics: i think the paper was really fun. it probably the fun-est paper physics paper i had. lol. i m thinking if i m good i'll hit a B or if not at least a C i guess. IF by some reason i get a D or lower, i think i would really have a HUGE problem.

Chem: ok gg. the paper killed me thats a fact. one whole paper on organic chem is just wicked. when i think that midyears are gonna testing everything that we've learnt so far i think i m just gonna die at mid years. I m expecting if i m really lucky a E. actual projection? i m thinking a S or even a U if its not good.

Econs: well i think i did pretty well for this. although i dint have time to complete the paper. if all goes well i think i can get a B. will probably get a C though. BUT somehow, if that 12mark case study question owns me, then i might just even get a D. sighs.

so that was my thoughts after the paper...

so far, i ve got back physics and chem already.

i got a C for physics. 56%. i guess i could easily have gotten a B. some really stupid mistakes and ECFs dropped the grade by a bit. like what cox said, the band jump between a D to B is really quick in this paper. so i guess i m pretty happy bout physics.

My chem produced a U-.- best part 39%. zzz. 1 more mark and i would have got an S. i guess this paper really killed everybody. well i mean some pple did pretty well. fm got like 66%. probably top end of corhorde i think. but i think majority did pretty badly. scoring between like 35% - 50% sort of thing.

well thats all the results i got so far. now to do some target setting for mid years..

granted that its gonna be the first full paper we are gonna be sitting for and that its gonna be testing everything we ve learnt.. heres what i think..

Physics: B/C
Chem: D
Maths: D
Econs: B
GP: high D/C

i think they are pretty realistic. probably have to work hard for the H2s especially. come to think of it, i m gonna have to work really hard if i wanna achieve these grades. man. june holidays say bye bye.

well thats about academic stuff....

my graphics card is back! man everything on my PC looks so much cooler now la.

i got badminton craving.

i got a SERIOUS craving for muttarbak (i have no idea how to spell it) + BANDUNG + MILO DINOSAUR FROM BOON KENG. i dont know why.

i ve been eating too much junk food. bad.

i need new songs. oh red jumpsuit apparatus seriously rocks.

statistics is the most fun part of maths. its the only topic in maths in which i can finish the ENTIRE tutorial without help.

PARAMORE'S NEW ALBUM IS COMING OUT 12 JUNE! my birthday's in june too! *hint*

ok thats all on my mind right now..

sometimes i just feel so stupid and dumb. too little too late.

2007-04-16T19:19:00.000+08:00

hellopeople.

yes dont panic, i know i shld be studying, but i felt like blogging, and i m having dinner, so no time wasted ok? i hope u dont expect me to study and eat at the same time man. thats kinda extreme.

anyhow.

i wont be able to get my physics worked solutions book before my ct for physics on wednesday. which is quite bad, cos that was suppose to be incoporated into my revision. dangs.

gp today was bad. real bad. i chose to paly safe and do a simple topic, but i realised my essay turned out pretty superficial. jia lat. i mean somehow i just couldnt rmb the more impt stuff(which i did rmb after the paper) into it. i ll probably get a S or E or something along that. sigh.

organic has 101 equations to study and memorise. I M SERIOUS! well i mean arnd there la. cheng said theres abt 90+ which is bad enuff. zz. maths seems to have very little to study, i mean i feel somewhat prepared but at the same time inadequate for maths sort of thing.

oh btw, my maths and chem is tmr, wed's physics, thurs, chinese and friday h1 econs. so yeap technically after wednesday i can take a huge load of my shoulders. expecting h1 econs to be str8 forward.

its the first day of the week but it feels like forever already. man. i really need a weekend.

youthchoir+one voice sang this song on sunday. well its a really nice song. moving. although its very exhausting to sing, just glad that it all went out well(although i did hear someone infront of me go out of tune =X)

'I will arise'

Silence fell upon the hill the day that Jesus died.
He cried out 'It is finished!' and hope was crucified.
The soldiers laughed and gambled for the robe He had worn.
The women wept, His friends had fled, Creations seemed to mourn.

They took his broken body down and carried Him away.
They laid Him in a borrowed tomb and then they sealed the grave.
The followers of Jesus hid, for Hope it seemed was dead.
Yet in their darkest hour would they remember, what He said? (I have no idea why its a ? and not a fullstop, but the score says so, so....)

I will arise!
i will arise!
Like the sun at dawn's first light i will arise!
You can bury me that day,
seal the tomb and turn away,
but the power of the grave will be denied.
I will arise!

His enemy, His ancient foe, contend the deed was done,
Stood upon the battlefield convinced that HE had won.
As Satan rose in triumph to put away his sword,
From somewhere in the darkness came the Voice, he'd heard before..

I will arise!
i will arise!
Like the sun at dawn's first light i will arise!
You can bury me that day,
seal the tomb and turn away,
but the power of the grave will be denied.
I will arise!

Death will have no vicotry, he grave will have no sting.
The promise of the Living One the whole world will see, will see!

I will arise!
i will arise!
Like the sun at dawn's first light i will arise!
You can bury me that day,
seal the tomb and turn away,
but the power of the grave will be denied.
I will arise!
i will arise!
Like the sun at dawn's first light i will arise!
You can bury me that day,
seal the tomb and turn away,
but the power of the grave will be denied.
I will arise,
I will arise,
I will arise!

well i guess it sounds quite funny if u just read the lyrics, but its really really nice! anybody who has this song must must must send me ok!?! i tried asking a few pple, all say dont have. boo.

i m out of food. damn. which does mean back to chem. ok pple see u guys arnd.

well i m not gonna have the chance to talk to you today, but i miss you.

2007-04-15T22:04:00.000+08:00

when all i ever wanted comes with a price.

i ve got some many things on my mind right now.

like the us led coalition on kuwait during the gulfwar, or northlight school that just opened this year to help students who face are well, not really academcally gifted. or the fact that u get differerent ammonium salts when.. ok u get the picture

well apart from that, i ve got some thoughts lingering in my head too. i wished i could spend time to really think abt it, sort it thru and stuff, but i guess with the CTs up tmr its quite tough. worried.

i cant really blog now i guess. i shld go make preparations to zz and all.

here's a song thats been stuck on my head. gosh so emo again.

red jumpsuit apparatus - misery loves its company

Listen close, as we wait for a sound to go

It's true, we are
we are destined to fail
It's true, we are
we are destined to fail

There is a problem here with our society
The absence of my tears is my sobriety
I have a growing fear and you're not helping me
Am I the only one who realizes it's true?

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

You're persecuting me, showing hypocrisy
I have a remedy for your insecurity
It's all the same, sadly, nobody works for free
Am I the only one who realizes it's true

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

Let your light shine through me
Take this hate I can't release
Help me make the blind see
Misery loves its company

When I dream, I see dawn turn into dusk, into dusk

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

Let your light shine through me
Take this hate I can't release
Help me make the blind see
Misery loves its company

It's true, we are
we are destined to fail
It's true, we are
we are destined to fail

i ll try to learn of patience. with so many more obstacles to go, i guess its gonna be tough. huh.

i try to blog more when i got more time. wish me the best of luck!

2007-04-12T20:31:00.000+08:00

i feel like blogging. so many funny things happened today la. lets see what i can rmb..

ok PE today was crazy. koh made us do crazy circuits. and topped it off with some competition in class for suicides. he like split us into 4 grps, then within each grp compete and see whos the winner. the rules were suppose to be winner dont have to run anymore, then the rest have to keep running or something. ended up there wasnt enuff time, so he got the 4 winners + fann ming our wildcard round winner (lol) to compete. stupid i was super tired after that la. felt like puking. oh but i managed to convince him to treat the 4 winners to drinks! haha shiok.

i think physics is super fun. especially quantum la. super super fun. we had like 4 hours of physics today(1hr lecture+1hr tutorial+2hours 'star' period aka. mass tutorial) which was super shiok la. yea i think i m crazy.

oh i missed out the craziness that occured during lunch.
well liang song, fann ming, joel, han teng and myself had lunch in school, went to do some pull ups. then we got super high at the pull bars la. LS was playing some super high songs. haha it was really damn funny la. then on our way back to the canteen, we found a shuttlecock! HAHA SUPER FUNNY. so we went to the volleyball court and started playing chapate? no idea how to spell that. but the fact that u play that with a shuttlecock is highly amusing ok. and we were pretty good! ls was owning la. then ht's just full of stunts. i guess his mindset is 'if its not a hardshot to take i rather not take it' sort of thing. damn funny. then all the j1s at the canteen were staring at us la. one of them even took a camera out la! super funny.

ok ep today was also highly amusing. we had a whole grp of teachers taking turns to give us motivational talks and all. i mean i appreciate the thought, but i guess the way the brought it across just wasnt motivational. ok, then our vp said something weird. he said 'aim for the stars, so that even if u miss, u ll have the moon.' lol/ i think the actually phrase was suppose to be 'aim for the heavens, so that even if u miss you'll have the stars' or something. anyway, that suddenyl triggered something in my brain. then i told joel, 'taking that success in life is being able to undergo complete oxidation, we shld aim to be carboxylic acids so that even if we undergo distillation in life, we will still be able to turn out as aldehydes.' HAHA. ok sorry if you dont take organic chem, but if u really wanna know what that means u can just ask me.

haha ok i m still stuck on carboxylic acids. stupid la. ep was just some super funny thing. dont know how we managed to come out with so many jokes to entertain ourselves during ep.

OH PROJECT WORK RESULTS ARE COMING OUT TMR!

sick sick sick. i m super worried exicited la.

common test is next week. great.

the western stall in my school is a great way to waste money.

i think sr is the only retarded school to have super long school hours. its suppose and probably is good, but zzz.

oh i rmbed another stupid thing. yea so our vp was talking abt the ranger course in army, how its the toughest course arnd. with the super high attrition rate, gay training (as in not literally) half rations. stuff like that. then he said that the trainers will try to wear you off by psyco-ing you like 'why are u putting yourself thru all this? u can just go home and enjoy life (since the ranger course is optional for army personnal unless u re in commandos) why are u torturing yourself and all.....' then because he was talking abt thinking positively and having a proactive reply to life i said ' so that you have a job, asshole'.

ok might not sounds funny, but i think if u were there for ep u ll get it.

i m falling sick. help.

i still think that _____ has very nice eyes.

kfc's new chesse meltz thingy is really not worth it. i mean it taste pretty nice but the serving is really pathetic.

i really really really really need to go catch a movie sometime.

ok work to do. lets do this.

take care people.

just one look puts the rhythm in my hand.

2007-04-08T17:39:00.000+08:00

'Because He lives i can face tomorrow;
because He lives all fear i gone;
because i know He holds the future,
and life is worth the living just because He lives.'

well i havent had a proper blog post in awhile so here goes...

easter just concluded.thoroughly fun and enjoyable. renew is always a warm feeling to have.
friday and sat's night concerts were great i think, looking forward to the dvd release to see how we turned out, but i m really surprised it turned out so smooth considering all the rushing and all, Thank God. Easter lunch programme today was really interesting, different and refreshing in its own ways. Everyone was looking so smart and pretty. when i look at like jojo's batch all starting to wear long sleeve shirts, growing into fine young men, its great to see everyone growing as a church.. random thoughts, i think ben chong looks really good in a suit, and edlyn looks really pretty, it must be the chong family thing.. haha. well everyone was just looking great la. haha. no pictures though. sad.

well i had been dreading this day a lil, cos the end coming of easter means hard work is gonna have to start to kick in. i really hope this time, things will turn out fine. i cant say i m looking forward to school, cos school's really a distracting place to be, when u can lose focus so easily, well thats the challenge i guess. although my thoughts are pretty much pre-occupied,i guess i dont wanna think too much bout it either.

well i dont know what else to say already, so yeap take care people!

Do more than exist, Live
Do more than look, Observe
Do more than read, Absorb
Do more than hear, Listen
Do more than listen, Understand
Do more than think, Ponder
Do more than talk, SAY SOMETHING.

2007-04-02T20:18:00.000+08:00

i m feeling really tired.

i pretty much enjoyed the ride..

but i guess its time to hang up my shoes now.

2007-03-15T18:11:00.000+08:00

hey people.

its been a pretty long time again since i ve blogged. been pretty lazy i to type out all my thoughts and all. anyhow here are some updates..

malaysia trip was super fun. whole bonding with the team. well we did get thrashed 2 out of 3 of the matches. which was pretty bad, but i guess our only excuse was, well they were better. the first match- the people jumped like one hand almost an arm taller then me la-.- well i mean i cant jump very high, but with people like that the match is just rigged.-.- we lost the last match by what 2 points? dooo. well matches aside, the food was fantastic ok.. each meal was at least a 5 course meal. shiok. and i think we had like 4 meals with shark fins =D mid night snacking is pretty cool too! oh, we did some shopping as well, man some of the stuff there is really cheap. i got this tee shirt for like 25RM? thats like sing 11 or something. crazyness. well bonding was great...

holidays are already almost over. well not much work done, just so busy with so many other things. at least i managed to get some of my thoughts sorted out during the hols. feeling much better now.

went to crash cec today, haha damn fun la. reminds me of orientation and all. getting high with college dance, cheering, the whole spontaneous atmosphere. fun fun.

i think the new college tee looks like crap. they say their gonna replace the j1 orientation shirt EACH YEAR from now with that blue disgusting polo tee. YUCKS. that shit is fugly man. gives this international tee shirt look. so, school like. yuck yuck.

i found out today theres actually a gay society in sr? i was super whatthefuck when the topic came out during lunch today. sick sick sick.

family camp messages are very very very very challenging. i m gonna need to spend more time reflecting about things.

my desktop graphics card finally gave way for good. they say its gonna take a good month before they get it fixed. zzz. because of that, the only form of entertainment i can get is like from my ipod la. which brings me to a conclusion that i listen to too many emo songs. yes yes emo songs are NOT good for your health ok. thats a fact.

i need some song recommendations. tell me if you people have any ya?

i need to go running. quite badly.

macdonalds is expensive food.

but char kway tiao is more unhealthy.

i m getting hooked to acoustic versions of songs that i really like. one of them is the acoustic version of only one by yellowcard. i mean the original is fantastic, but the acoustic version sort of has this special twist to it.. it also sounds alot more heartfelt, although he does go offtune a lil.

patience is more then one week u loser. but who am i to complain right?

A levels are really coming fast. focus is all we need. focus. focus focus.

well i m gonna blog something emo now. haha. its just the music i tell you.

here i go scream my lungs out i m trying to get to you,
i believe everyone has a story to tell..
pieces pieces everywhere, where do i start?
i had initially wanted to tell you stories of sunshine and rain..
so dishonestly,
but i realised it would be nothing new or interesting, it would the same things in a different light..
could you remind me of a time when we were so alive,
so i ll question the justifications of our mistakes - your stories..
could you help me push aside all i ve left behind,
and so society has moulded us into this, disgusting, crafting person- its the wonder thats keeping the stars awake at night..
do you remember, remember that time?
how while we grow so much happier each day,and yet the void in us grows deeper..
its not this hard, its not this hard,
we find ways to fill this void, foolish mistakes and drunkeness which we can only regret on hindsight..
after all this time, i never thought you be there,
and i blame this void for our flaws - for without purpose, there is no desire, without desire no execution.
just maybe you wont find out what i know,
after hindsight sets in wisdom, i question- so is it therefore fallacy, foolishness or ignorance that accounts for such stupidity. which 'justifies' our means to fill this void..
i hear no more screaming. wrong direction you shit.
i claim it is foolishness. we were not made to dig our own grave even after realising that we re gonna die if we keep going at it. thomas edison didnt 'find one more way in which a lightbulb couldnt work' just so that he could make the same mistake and find 'yet another way'. he found it so that it could be manifest into technology as we know it today.
so what if i was there before kickoff? it seems more like a handicap now.
foolishness or void? i conclude its both. but its foolishness that makes us stupid. that makes you disgust me.
i ll just take as much as you can throw, and just throw it all away.
your stories, my stories or anybody else's. does it matter? well maybe. but that would be so superficial. and its people like you that give us a bad name.
i dont need to know another story, just tell me what the fuck is wrong with you.

ah screw it.

its the music i tell you. maybe i ll go for a pachelbel diet. that might work.

2007-03-08T16:16:00.000+08:00

hey people. yea its been some time..

this week's just been such a rush. so many things happening at the same time, everything asking for time when all we've got is 24 hour a day. i really dont know if i m up enough for the A's..

i ve got a fair bit on my mind that i would like to blog about, but i guess in the interest of time i just blog abt some stuff.

tmr's the last day of term 1. man, which does mean A levels is yes, coming very soon. gp is on 30th oct if i m not wrong, and i still want a B for my gp. man lots of work to do. this year is really passing by really fast, too fast if u'd ask me. i still rmb the things i set out to accomplish at the start of the year, but i m gonna need to spend more time to think things over..

will be heading to malaysia tmr, after sku for bball. gonna be playing 3 matches over there. i m getting quirky over it already. i ll be back on sunday evening probably, which yes does mean i ll miss the entire weekend. boohoo. well i am looking forward to it as a valuable learning experience. i think it'll be quite cool. haha. oh and we re gonna stay in a four star hotel. weee.

paramore's not gonna be heading to singapore anytime this year. and probably next either. zzz. oh their music rocks ok. the lead vocalist is what 18? and she has some voice man. yea its a she. power. oh their drummer is 15 YEARS old! ONE FIVE OK. and he's getting grabbed in the ass by girls overseas. haha. well their new album is coming out soon so, if u have a dying urge to get me something to make me happy....

the march 'hols' are coming up, well i m gonna be using it for ALOT of catching up, and hopefully conquer organic chem while i m at that. haha. well i m hoping to do some other catching hopefully. we ll see how things turn out.

the new jc1's are really lifeless. not to mention orientation does seem to suck (kinda like i told you so?) well thats for the school management deciding to stick with its own plans. i think a good 3/4 of the new j1s want OUT of sr. seriously. well i mean its probably gonna end up that only a good 100 of them will leave. the weird thing is, people are actually appealing back to sr u know? *rolls eyes*

ok i m gonna stop here for now. wish me happy holidays in malaysia yea? haha. take care people.

2007-02-25T22:13:00.000+08:00

when i said that i would follow,
it was with an honest heart.
But i dint fully understand the cost

i actually have a fair bit on my mind that i wanna blog abt.
runs,thoughts,family camp,bball training,small things that brighten my day,school,songs,rants..

but in the interest of time, i ll cut short.

the only difference now is like rojak and orange peels,
the pineapple got mouldy, but the wine just gets better.

take care people.

2007-02-20T16:15:00.000+08:00

hey people. yeap its been a pretty long time (i think) since i updated so heres one for you guys..

cny got pretty scaled down this year, dint visit alot of places, dint do much this cny in general i guess. i guess everyone is getting a lil lazier everyyear to get into the buzz of cny and all, which is really quite sad. oh well i cant really complain considering i m not in that cny mood anyway, kinda put off and put away with other things this year.

well its one of those rare occasions in the year where i have more then 15 people in my house right now. so some of you all might be wondering, WHAT ON EARTH ARE U DOING BLOGGING WHEN U HAVE GUEST RIGHT? well i thought abt that too, but heres the run down.
all the uncles and aunties are either sleeping, mahjong-ing or sitting in front of the tv talking. the children are getting amused by my cats, for like 3 hours already, which i m pretty surprised they still are, either that or they are glued to the computer screen. so yea that leaves me with pretty much nothing else to do.

ok i woke up earlier then normal this morning cos i wanted to shoot some hoops. well i did, but the sad part is, i had a super bad stomach ache which forced me to well run home. DIPUTS MAN. so i ended up doing abt only a quarter of what i had intended to do in terms of drills. great.

i FINALLY restrung my guitar. wee. it sounds a lil weird now. but i think give it abt 2-3 days and it shld sound great. wee.

schools kicking back in tmr. zzz. i still gotta finish up my vectors tutorial, which is pretty hard to do considering my house is noisy like anything now la. ____ suggested i lock myself in the toliet and study there. i m like huh? lol i think i ll get claustrophobic if i do that la.

i m still trying to figure out if theres any homework for econs and gp. yes youve guessed it right i m feeling pretty bored.

i need to exercise man. all this new year goodies are gonna kill my health man.

ok i cant really generate anymore random thoughts, so i guess i ll end here for now. take care people!

i never thought it would be this hard.
dang.

2007-02-15T21:57:00.000+08:00

this isnt just goodbye,

hey people. back.

its been a really tiring week, just glad that the weekend is coming soon. not really looking forward to cny this year actually. dont know why. i thought for once a quiet chinese new year would be interesting. hmmm.

well thankfully, i dont think i m sick anymore. looking forward to gorging myself in cny goodies, and get fat. haha.

my mouth filled with blood, from trying not to speak.

the match with yj was really. man. i tell yj people playing damn dirty la. they freaking stick like glue onto you, grabbing you shirt, tripping you, basically damn dirty la. plus the fact that the ref dint give a shit about calling for this kind of fouls, so dumb. it boils just to think abt the match.

vday celebrations was ok i guess. very very tiring though. aft the match and all, going home to bath and change, was already like what nine? went for a simple celebration, well not exactly simple, but lets just leave it as that. by the time i got home just poof man. so tired. so much for homework.
well on the note of vday, here's my vday quote, yea its one day late but well i thought i shld write something mushy in my blog once in a while. lol.
'love doesnt make the world go round, its what makes the ride worthwhile'
aww, right? haha.

slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful.

i realised that ____ and ____ look SUPER alike now. man. this world is becoming more and more freaky.

oh, i got back all my results for common test 1. here it goes..
physics - U (pretty expected)
maths -E (wells, thats ok i guess. at least i passed, lol)
chem - E (quite sad about this actually)
econs - D (i think i topped the class with a D-.- wth.)
gp - D (this is really demoralising)
well on the whole it seems quite stable. lots of room for improvement. fair bit of careless mistakes. fair bit of things still pretty unsure abt. conlussion, work harder havin. lol.

ok i m gonna stop here for now. weekend weekend here i come!

this is i cant stand you.

2007-02-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

hey people.

i m feeling very lazy to write in paragraphs so here we go..

- tmr's match with yj. man.
- physics is really chim.
- organic chem is just huge.
- vectors has so many new concepts.
- i realised that ____ and ____ look VERY alike. freaky. but cool. haha.
- i made a record, i didnt exercise for THREE days consective. that was over the weekend when i was running my fever. record for 07. lets see what the next is gonna be.
- my guitar needs some work man. i think its in pretty bad shape D:
- i need to get another month worth of contacts.
- i need to spend some time replying emails. its been quite awhile.
- vday's tmr. heha.
- ponders.
- I LIKE GP LECTURE COS MDM ANION IS SUPER SUPER SUPER FUNNY! (despite the fact she made me famous overday)
- i realised i have alot of nice songs in my ipod that i never really listened to. lol.
- craving for: punggol nasi lemak, CHOCOLATES, fast food. hope the throat infection heals FAST.
- weekend withdrawl.

ok random thoughts.

close my eyes
let the whole thing past me by
there is no time to waste
asking why
i ll run away with you
by my side.

2007-02-12T14:38:00.000+08:00

the only difference now is like sprite and 7-up,
the alcohol got involved, but the lamb was committed.

2007-02-10T04:03:00.000+08:00

i m feeling really sick.

ytd morning during chem started feeling a lil seh. feverish and all. by the time it hit econs i was feeling really cold. well of cos i had the option of taking early leave, but life just strikes u at the precise time huh? i was going to have a match with cjc. the fever+the throbbing headache assured that i wasnt gonna get anywhere near the ball. and i ended up taking the score. wtf right?

by the time the match was over, my headache was a lot better. thank God for panadol. when i got home and took my bath, i was pretty much freezing. when i took my temperature, well done la. 38.4. i felt so damn sick and cold, i wrapped my self in a jacket, covered myself head to toe with my comforter and well tried to get some rest. its horrible.

i ll probably need to go see a doc later in the morning. which probably means i m gonna miss ypg and probably church tmr as well. well done again la. so much for looking forward to the weekend.

so on top of this stupid sickness that struck at such precise timing. i m feeling pretty sick inside too. too many thoughts, too many claims and too many conclussions. maybe the fever fried my brain a lil, but when i look at things like the way i see it, it just makes me shrug, and well wonder how stupid i could be. it forces me to get so disgusted, at what things really are.

fuck.

so somehow, things are gonna get better. its gonna be really trying, but it will right? wouldnt it?

i dont wanna talk about that anymore, i guess people are just gonna start complaining again about me ranting. lol.

o level results came out ytd, well seems like generally, people did pretty ok i think.
my legs are so damn sore, i dont think i can run in awhile. stupid fever.
random bruises are making me worried.
my body clock is proabably pretty screwed right now.
there seems to be something wrong with blogger's posting. i m sure i made this in normal size, somehow it just turns tiny.-.-

randomness.

ok i ll stop here for now. gosh, i hope my fever gets better REAL soon, like by 12 today. it sucks to fall sick.

theres nothing else i can really do right?

2007-02-08T21:04:00.000+08:00

hey people. i mback.

well its been a really exhausting week. just cant seem to get enough rest. last two days, i ve been really struggling to stay awake during classes. just seem to live in a wolr dwhere acceleration due to gravity is more then the normal 9.81ms^-2. odd.

well cjc's up tmr. the pressure to perform tmr is really high. i dont want to end up making stupid mistakes, missing passes, failing communication or wasting opportunities. wed's training was pretty good for me, i think personally, at least i was doing pretty well. for one of the matches i managed to bring in two fastbreaks out of the 3 baskets. so that was quite nice. haha, my three also managed to find its way to the basket on another of the matches. well i think if i can perform at wendesday's standard with more team communication and teamwork, things should work out fine. of course theres the big if.

xcountry official results are out. apparently i got 35 instead of what i thought of 32. no idea how that came about but oh well. at least i know i was compromised during the run because of my leg. and at least i learnt one very important lesson.

o level results are out tmr. man. time's just passing so quickly. reminds me of orientation and all. great fun! i miss those days already. today when my class went out for lunch, then we stopped by the playground, i was just sitting on the swing, and i sort of reminsced orientation. i realised that you were always there. with your sweet smile, bubbly face. a cheerfulness that i ve seemed to have forgotten over the course of january. ok i wont talk too much about that before everyone starts asking who and what-.-

you with your camera.

so anyway, the weekend is coming again! looking real forward to that.

i was just doing some reflections, with my qt. and i guess i really aint working too much towards my goals. got a lil off track, kinda busted myself, but one song came to mind, even as i was thinking about everything. well like i said in a few posts back, about writing some lyrics of nice songs, heres a nice song.

by mark schultz- I am

I am the maker of the heavens,
i am the bright and morning star,
i am the breath of all creation,
who always was, and is to come.
I am, the one who walked on water,
i am the one who calmed the seas,
i am the miracles and wonders,
so come and see, and follow me
and you will know.

I am, the fount of living water
the risen Son of Man
the healer of the broken
and when you cry i am
your savior and redeemer
who bore the sins of man
the Authour and Perfecter
Beginning and the End
yes I am.

I am the spirit deep inside you
I am the Word upon your heart
I am the one who even knew you
Before your birth
Before you were

I am, the fount of living water
the risen Son of Man
the healer of the broken
and when you cry i am
your savior and redeemer
who bore the sins of man
the Authour and Perfecter
Beginning and the End
I am.

Before the earth (i am)
the universe (i am)
in every heart (i am)
Oh where you are (i am)
The Lord of Lords (i am)
the King of Kings (i am)
The Holy Lamb (i am)
above all things

Yes, I am Almighty God your father
the Risen Son of Man
the Healer of the Broken
and when you cry
i am your savior and Redeemer
the Authour and Perfector
Beginning and the End
I am.

chemical bonding

2007-02-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

we all know many types of chemical bonds exist. metallic, covalent, ionic and well basically alot. many types of forces also are guide these bonds. such as your famous van der waals forces of attraction, hydrogen bonds and electrostatic forces of attraction between oppositely charged ions.
these bonds are partially responsible for reactions that occur, of course its lattice, atoms involved and many other factors also contribute to reactions.

for example, giant ionic structures are soluble in water, but not in non-polar solvents. because of its favourable ion-dipole interactions between ions and water molecules, it leads to a release of energy which facilitates detachment of ions form ionic lattice for hydration.

over the course of time, i ve discovered a new bond. actually its probably a very old bond, but people dont really talk about it. i ll call it the z-bond.

probable reason why the z-bond is not classified under any TYS or textbook you find is because of its ability to take many forms, undergo many reactions, undertake different chemical/physical properties. it is because of its ability to vary itself like that in many different variables which makes it hard to classify specifically.

we all know (8-n) is the number of bonds a particular atom will form. however, z-bonds have one very specific property, that is in forming many many bonds.(ie. it is a very strong bond). z-bonds form between almost any two molecules. under different conditions and reagents for each molecule pair. unlike normal bond pairs, z-bonds dont just 'share valence electrons' or donate 'spare electrons'. z-bonds have the ability to allow its atom to lose its electronic configuration altogether, to form z-bonds. hence explaining why z-bonds are very strong. however, this strength can sometimes be associated with instability. i ll go into more detail for that later.

z-bonds like i said earlier, can form between almost any two molecules. in special cases, it can be more then 2. but i wont go into detail of that. anyway, z-bonds can associate it self with favourable ion-dipole interactions, to water-ion interactions to well just about anything. HOWEVER, these favourable interactions can only occur under certain conditions. as mentioned earlier, these vary on a case by case basis. which is why, z-bonds are sometimes associated with instability. ok im gonna stop on tat before people think i m crazy. lol. i m just trying to experiment stupid things.

go figure.

i passed my gp ct! ok its just a low pass, but i guess i shld be thankful it isnt a fail.
still waiting for other results.
got a match with cj on friday. goodness.
doughnuts?
more homework.
bball.
bball.
2.4.
more icing please. before therapist complains. haha.

ok i m blog more next time.

2007-02-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

time is running out! i cant explain myself at all

i got many things to blog about actually.
1. x country sat
2. reflections on that
3. sat's ypg/choir
4. sat's dinner at mad jack
5. sunday's events+reflections
6. more thoughts about the coming week.

but i m really not in the mood to write it down. if u really wanna know u can ask me. haha.
there's been a fair bit of my mind. sat's ypg was really thought stirring. i got so many things on my mind now. i just need to find a time to sit down and slowy think things thru.
-bball camp
-family camp
-doughnuts. LOL. dont ask why.
-back to school syndrome

and alot of other stuff, lazy to even list them. sick. i m feeling so random.

i wish i could put my foot down and put an end to this all. but its hard u know.

when the oceans rise and thunder falls
i will soar with you above the storm
Lord u are King over the flood
i will be still
and know
You are
Lord.

2007-02-02T22:48:00.000+08:00

hey people!.

well i dont really feel like writing a long update+i ve got a fair bit of things to do so i ll just make this one short.

i went to see my therapist in the morning. she said my legs were getting better i think. but i lost her when she said it was getting worse or something. she was TOTALLY against me running in tmr xcountry. if u really wanna know the details, ask me! haha.

i missed bball training today. zzz. i dont want to comment on this one.

dinner was great. had a good time catching up with people, laughing and well just having a great time. its always inspirational to be in church.

so i m sort of in a dilemma. i m thinking if i shld run compeititively or not. esther said i was already compromised shld i choose to run, that i woulnt be able to perform to my best. well i decided to decide tmr. when i do some warm up runs at home b4 i head down. if things work out then i ll go for it. if not then well.... i ask myself why i m so insistent of running. well thankfully i found my answer. i m not gonna disclose it, if u really wanna know, haha, well even if u ask i probably wont tell you. =P.

i need to spend more time with things that are important.

time is running out. i think before i know it, things will come and go. i ll need to learn to cherish.

'to run with angels, on streets made of gold
to listen to stories of saints new and old
to worship our maker, thats where i ll be
when u finally find me
i wish you were here...'

2007-02-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

i m back! yeap from the shitty common test! thankfully the bulk of the week is over. man.

ok heres what i think of common test..
physics: i cfm fail ok. the last 2 questions which is worth about half the total mark i dont know how to do. so yea
maths: well i surprisingly could do most of the questions. i mean as compared to what i thought would happen. i m only worried i made a lot of careless mistakes. which is usually the case >.< its like u do the paper until damn shiok, then get result fail because of careless mistake-.- lol.
chem: A WHOLE PAPER ON ORGANIC IS GAY OK! well it turned out not so bad i guess. i was having fun for the most of it. except for this part on section C, i dint study hybridisation cause i couldnt get a thing of it. AND IT CAME OUT FOR ONE PART OF SECTION C. ok 5 marks only-.- heng. but i think chem shld be quite ok..
econs: two words. haze office. all the way man. haha, if u dont get it, ask.
i might just fail clb. lol.

ok thats common test week which i thought i would just die getting over the week..
my class pple are the best. we had a pretty good time after the econs paper today. it was really funny! but i m not really in the mood to type it all down, and i dont think it sounds very funny by typing. lol. so if u really wanna find out, ask! haha.

its gonna be a pretty long day tmr. have to
1. visit my therapist in the morning.
2. go down to school for training. well its only a short time cause i have to
3. rush down for my dental appt.
4. need to FINALLY restring my guitar. i ve been wanting to do that since dec. but i guess alot of things came up
5. oh and have to head down to church in the evening. some programme on.
6. need to figure out how to work a hot bathe.

well thats about the agenda. i think. i was suppose to meet jingwen and crys at orchard to do some shopping for _____ present. but it seems like its abit hard, everyone seems busy me inclusive so i guess we ll get it next year =P.

oh i realised today that ________ has very beautiful eyes and a lovely smile haha. ok stop. but seriously.

i shall post some nice lyrics the next time i blog. haha.

well i m feeling great! quickly ask why!
haha u ask le then i tell you lor. lol.

ok take care people!

2007-01-31T09:07:00.000+08:00

hey i m back again. so fast right? haha

anyway, i just went for my last run before xcountry. i did about 5km. it was terrible man.
1. my legs felt really stiff
2. my mouth was extremely dry. i mean even before the run. of cos i could drink, and i did. but i couldnt take too much if not later more problems. so tat was bad.
3. AND I NEEDED TO USE TO TOLIET DURING THE RUN!. ok i dint go but it was quite uncomfortable holding it there.

yea hopefully on sat with proper nutrition+warm ups+hot water+err, mental preps things will turn out better. although i still have to figure out the stiff legs part. haha.

anyway, this will probably be the last time i blog till after my econs paper tmr. which isnt very long but. hmmm ok i dont know what i m thinking too. i really need to use my time wisely today. theres a lot of mugging to do for tmr's two killer papers. great eh.

the songs joyce sent me were really encouraging! brought much JOY to my heart. lol. sorry la. her name is just very pun-da-ble. maybe sometime when i ve got time i ll post the lyrics.

ok today's clb paper, i dont really care. funny thing is that i might just fail ok. lol. i really think i m screwed for tmrs chem+econs.

dang.

'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.'
think it thru. alright wish me luck people! i ll catch you all after the ct.

2007-01-30T14:42:00.000+08:00

hey people.

well i had my maths paper in the morning, tmr's clb and thurs is chem and econs. so kinda feeling a lil less pressure now. tmr's paper is like go school mark attendence nia-.- maths today wasnt THAT bad i THINK. i could do more of the paper then i expected, although i got owned at the intergration application question. lol. I M SUPER HAPPY I GOT A SOLUTION FOR THE LAST VECTOR QUESTION PART! i just hope its correct-.- it took a lot of thinking ok.

anyway, i guess maths felt a lot better then physics. physics owned the crap out of me man. the last 2 questions, which is worth about half the marks of the entire paper, I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO CAN? yea which means i ll probably like 90% fail physics. great.

well thats about the updates i have RE common test. i think i m gonna fail chem too. organic has ALOT to memories. right.

anyhow. i went for a cycle just now. i mean since i m not suppose to do intensive running(actually just running), i decided to go for a ride instead. so i went to do some exploring. THE STUPID SPEEDO WASNT WORKING! so well i couldnt tell how fast i was averaging but most importanly, couldnt clock the distance i was covering. zzz. so i went to explore some places, got a lil lost, but thankfully i managed to get back to some familar places. i think i did about 15km? maybe less i think. its was MUCH shorter then i expected it to be though. i was hoping it could give a lil more kick, its like when i reach my destination(about the halfway mark) i wasnt even persiring la-.- doo. i guess the challenge today was more of the resistance i was facing. there was ALOT of wind resistance. its wasnt too sunny so i guess it wasnt so bad. but the wind was terrible man. well nothing interesting really happened along the ride i guess. maybe i ll still go for a run later..

random thoughts
. the urge to play badminton is subsiding
. i miss my bball training
. i m worried about x country zz
. i m worried about _____
. i realised the 100plus i ve been drinking taste funny. i dont know it has this somewhat stale taste-.-
. i was reading liz's and shiping's blog and i realised my name appeared on BOTH blogs about my roman empire. great eh? i m gonna be so famous.
. which reminds me, i need to update my links..
. and also i think i might wanna change my blogskin sometime next week. see how.
. i still need to get new clothes and new shoes.
. i need to trust a lot more, i seem to be losing my optimism into pessimism more and more.
. POP? HAHA. ok that was for the erebus people.
. when i stand with this distance away, and i look at the things happening around me, and i look deep inside myself, i realise the irony in my life, and why i feel the way i feel. stupid right? i wonder to myself sometimes why i even bother to look from that distance and make things so jumbled up.
. i need more chocolate.

ok that was really quite random. i shall need to go do some packing and studying already. great life eh? yea we'll learn to live with it. take care people rmb to tag!

2007-01-29T21:47:00.000+08:00

i dont know how to feel.

i just hope(hopefully not a foolish hope) that things will work out. just fine. hopefully. that i wont end up here like an idiot.

damn.

-

2007-01-26T20:17:00.000+08:00

hey people.

ok since its like friday night, i shall make a entry about some stuff..

the week of school has been quite an experience. i realised that jc2 life is really something thats been opening my eyes and all. each week comes with different challenges and demands. new lessons. new outcomes. its really quite a challenge.

i m gonna need to spend a lil more time on my reflections. need to get some stuff done. hmmm.

bball training today was quite fun. although there was a miserable 4jc2 guys. which is really dumb. the strength coach came in today. did some running drills. wah really quite shag. but i think it was good. i think the whole ice-ing and lifepak thingy has been helping on the shin splint. dint hurt too much today. on that note, actually i m super worried about cross country. later cannot get top 30 i will tear hair sia. i mean i ve been training pretty hard for it. but all the soccer guys are running la-.- stupid. they go there spoil market nia. i hope my leg gets ALOT better in the next few days. gonna be pushing myself a bit. so... man

its really hard sometimes. to be able to trust without being able to see.

sometimes i wanna feel special too you know?
ok emo quota reached. lol wanna know more? ask lor. haha

ok take care pple. common test here we go.

2007-01-23T22:00:00.000+08:00

hey people. i ve been getting a lil lazy to update, but heres a quick one..

gp common test today was just gay. the passage was relatively straight forward but the questions were just, gay. hopefully i ll be able to scrape thru it..

i m worried about my legs. i just went to visit my therapist, tells me i shld take a break from my training for awhile. but i cant, i mean i need to improve, and X country is just NEXT WEEK CAN! no time no time.

i realised my previous post have still been pretty emo. so i ve decided to withhold onto that. its not really very healthy. anyhows, i realised that its alot of my own prespective. i shouldnt think about things that would get me down, things that would make my mind run(not to say be ignorant). questions like'what could you be doing that is so much fun, without me by your side'. instead, i ve deceided that i should try to look at things more optimistically, that at least be thankful for the time our paths crossed. hours spent laughing and just enjoying ourselves. that whatever happens, this will be the memory that you will leave. so emo already goodness stop it.

so yea, be thankful for the happy and good times.

i m getting worried about my common tests. its up next week. i told jenny, ''things are straight in my mind, but in actual fact its fucking curly'. so yea focus.

mu!.

i ll stop here for now. take care people.

patiently focused

2007-01-21T16:41:00.000+08:00

ok. i m back again.
i think this year can already but summarise into a word, i wished that word could be 'focus' but i think 'difficulties' would be a better word at this time.

random thoughts
1. i still wanna play badminton
2. i was pretty distracted today. not good.
3. a challenge to walk this line.
4. need to spend some time reflecting for sss1 blog post.
5. so if things are mutual shldnt everyone be playing a part? thats why its mutual right?
6. i still wanna run.
6a. my shin splint is really getting to me, gonna have to see auntie esther soon.
7. was thinking about what someone said, how people read blogs and wanna know more about whats going thru the blogger's mind, i think its quite true. then i wonder why i blog in circles and generic terms so that people would probably be too lazy to figure out what i m talking about. hmmm.
8. terms are coming. damn. i need to get my thoughts straightened.
9. its never easy to let go, like in my previous post. but hey, its a good gauge.
10. bball training is gonna be colliding with my terms revisions. so how?
11. i m thinking about changing my blogskin. i saw this pretty cool skin on blogskins.com last night. so yea..
12. sometimes i wonder if you re doing this on purpose just to spike me.
13. i wonder if what i said is actually gonna come true. its amazing how people work. like some people say, 'better watch what u wish for, u might just get it'.

its been some fluntuating shit. higher ground. stable ground.

i read peh's blog, and saw some stuff which gave some inspiration. haha.

note to self. never ever ever ever let anyone play with your mind like this again.
and this invisible line is just gonna keep growing and growing. and i know its gonna keep spacing, and yet i know i m gonna have to tell myself that i m strong enough and pretend everything's gonna be ok. to pretend that there is some bottemless pit in my heart to suck in all these fears and tears, to accept that your heart is so big that its making u gasp for breath. and so i ll keep telling myself i m alright, tell it to myself a zillion times, when i m on the bus, lying on my bed, running, that i m gonna be strong, that peace will come. that with each burden it ll get easier. sometimes the irony it all makes me laugh, of how u could be the most lonely admist the crowd of friends, except i dont. and just maybe someday, someday u ll look back and understand, understand that damn, i miss you.

2007-01-20T11:56:00.000+08:00

hey people. back.

i came up with a new word! emophile! HAHA. ok to those who dont get it, its suppose t be electrophile/nucleophile from chemistry. but seeing that alot of pple are getting more and more emo, the word just pop up!.

ok random.

anyhows, i m thankful for getting my thoughts straightened. its never easy to walk this road, and it never will be. but 2cor 12:9 puts it very nicely 'my grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness'. its really nice, but sometimes the shortsightness of us humans is we fail to see beyond the present, limiting ourselves to even limiting God. which makes it really difficult sometimes. so i m gonna continue walking this line. to seek ye first God's Kingdom.

ok i think i ll stop for that on that note, later get very messy. haha. anyways.

some thoughts of past(makes me sound so old-.-) came arnd to visit. i rmbed this phrase i used to say to myself alot, 'if you love something, set it free, if it comes back, then its truely yours, if it doesnt, then it was never yours.' circular wisdom has its ways with people i guess. but its really quite true and meaningful..

alright thats all thats on my head now, so yeap, tag ok people? haha. see you all around.

to learn to trust you all over again..

2007-01-17T20:36:00.000+08:00

hey pple! yea feeling lots better today. its getting easier to bear. but lets not be complacent here...

anyhow was reading abit of Job last night, i guess this verse was really nice.

'Naked i came from my mother's womb.
And naked shall i return there.
The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord.'
Job 1:21

i guess its really a challenge to walk with such faith, to rejoice in the lord admist such trying times. admist these challenges to still be able to praise His name..

another song was in my head today, that comforted quite abit. its called My father's love

The world's wealth and riches, can be bought and sold,
but i possess a treasure far greater then gold.
twas a gift, pass down to me from heaven above,
twas the gift, of my Father's love.

and my father's love, is strong and true.
always believing, always seeing me thru.
so no matter what happens, in his grand design.
i ll be fine, with my father's love...

safe and secure now in his love alone.
i find here my place of worth as one of his own.
and i dont need everything this world wants to give,
cos i live, with my father's love..

and my father's love is strong and true.
always believing always seeing me thru.
so no matter what happens, in this grand design..............
i ll be fine, with my father's love, my father's love
i have my father's...... love.
i have my father's love.

so touching. haiyo. haha well thats all i m blog about for today.! take care pple. =D

2007-01-16T18:27:00.000+08:00

well hello agains.

i realised that my previous post was quite emo. so i shall quickly make an update so that its not the first thing u see =D

anyhows.
to make a small link to things, i am feeling lots better now. its all in the head i tell you.

at the end of last year and beginning this year, i made my 'resolution' to walk closer to God, to follow Him. to lead a stronger Christian life. the word i choose was 'focus' i sort of thought out that 07 would be avery challenging year, with the A's coming, and i sort of had a feeling that was gonna be a lot of challenges for me. alot of things would distract me. so focus.

turned out that within the first month of the year, i m already starting to struggle. i guess last night was one of the peaks for that. thank God i feel better now. the verse that got me sane again was one of my favourites, Isaiah 40:8, ' The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever.' i guess it got me back, to stay focused, simply because we ought to seek something so much more. its gonna be a challenge.

anyhow school was pretty tiring, i was slipping a lil in and out of lectures. have to figure something out for that. maybe i ll get some sweets or something. my work is starting to get a LIL more managable i guess. although i still have tonnes of it left. but i guess it shldnt be that bad. PE ROCKS. haha. always a lesson to look forward to. we did our 2.4 today. man i shld be doing so much better. nvm still have another bout 5 weeks. so here we go again!

yeap i guess thats it for now. rmb to tag pple!

all that i would give to rewind one day.

2007-01-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

well i m back.

the weekend was great. inspiring and enriching as always. but its always a challenge to take it beyond just being an inspiration and experience. to let it indwell.

anyhow day1 of school of the new work was pretty much ok. i managed to finish most of my work so it wasnt that bad. was pretty much ahead of the class except for the physics part, cos i really cant understand how that shit works man.

bball training was great. although we trained only for like 2hours or arnd there, we managed to get some solid work moving.. we started off with warm up running, i was surprised i could get the rounds done pretty easily, went for about 20minutes continuous and covered abt 10 rounds ba. the rivera was abit on so yea... the rain came in and that was pretty demoralising, but thankfully it stopped and we managed to get onto some serious court working. it was damn shag la, but damn shiok.

went for dinner aft that then headed home.. it was quite bad so i went for a run. needed to clear my thoughts and get things straightened in my head. i guess i pushed myself quite abit.. i planned to do about 3km, but aft when i was approaching the 3km mark i guess it dint feel strong enough so i headed off for 3.5km. felt great. i think i was practically running the entire time. my body will probably kill me tmr for pushing myself so hard. but man i needed that... somehow i think my body will just fall sick sometime, but its amazing the limits i can push this shit to. haha.

anyhows. i realised it was really starry tonight, reminds me of special things. special things..

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

make me smile again.

2007-01-14T21:17:00.000+08:00

no matter how much joy, how much happiness and how much i want to, i cant.

you re walking a path that i know i cant follow. and it kills me inside to know i cant. but somehow i m gonna have to find strength to push on.

2007-01-11T18:18:00.000+08:00

its been a really tiring week. its thursday already, and i got one more day till the weekend which i really need. i think its been the one of the toughest weeks in my entire jc life so far. sleeping pass midnight everynight for one isnt a healthy way to get to school fresh. and its been work i ve been doing ok. on top of the homework, the past two days have really affected me more than just the physical stress of studying late into the night and struggling to keep awake in lectures. its been pretty emo these 2 days. many things have happened.

i dint want to blog down these thoughts, cause i thought its really unhealthy, but i guess its worth blogging. its never easy to walk this road. when everything in your body, every cell and organism with logic of this world tells you this, but u know, u have to do otherwise. its SO hard to tear myself away from these things. its so hard to accept truths and circumstances that challenge the very person in you. what would you do if u knew everything, how things would be and all, but yet be unable to change it however negative and lifechanging it may be?

but i thank God. for grace. for grace and his provision of strength, for without it, i think i would have left this world a long time ago. and still now his grace holds me. a song we sang in ypg sometime back still comes to mind, and i think it sums up pretty adaquately.

Thank you Lord,
for the trials that come my way,
in that way i can grow each day,
as i let you lead.
And Thank you Lord,
for the patience those trials bring
in that process of growing
i can learn to care.

But it goes against the way i am
to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all i do.
Cause when those trials come
my human nature shouts the thing to do
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

Thank you Lord
with each trial i feel inside
that you re there to help lead and guide
me away from wrong.
Cause you promised Lord
that with every testing
that your way of escaping
is easier to bear

But it goes against the way i am
to out my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control
of all i do
Cause when those trials come my human nature shouts the thing to do
And God's soft prompting can be easily ignored.

I thank you Lord
for the victory that growing brings
in Surrender of everything
life is so worth while
And i Thank you Lord,
that when everything's put in place
out in front i can see your face
and its there you belong.

its a really nice song. hopefully, someday i ll be able to express myself like how the song writter in the last part of it. In victory.

well thats all i have for today. i better get some work done. take care people.

2007-01-08T02:25:00.000+08:00

well its been some time since i ve blogged so heres a quick update before i get some much needed rest...

orientation,..

HAHA! MISSION ACCOMPLISH. ORIENTATION WAS A SMASHING SUCESS! thank God everything,(well at least in totality) everything turned out fine. the freshman were gearing up with enthusiam, the cheers were moving along, although i was starting to lose my voice, its was SWELL! fusion night was smashing, although i think the ogl camp one was better, but still rocking. aft orientation we headed down to kovan mac to hang arnd. i tell u, everyone was just super high la. haha it was super great fun. i m glad that somehow, the orientation worked. haha.

anyway, orientation aside, its time for serious work already. i just finished(well not exactly completed, but all attempted) three stupid maths promos papers. been rushing them since i got home from church last afternoon. and i m glad that i ve finally completed the stuff i have to complete for tmr. or at least except the physics. i guess i could read up on that later today. anyway i think this week is gonna be really intensive, physically, mentally emotionally and spiritually. just hope that i ll be able to make it thru this week. well.

i shld go get some rest soon. its getting pretty late already. so yeap, takecare pple and goodnights!=D

2007-01-04T20:47:00.000+08:00

hey again pple.

well the first 2 days of orientation is over. and i m feeling really drained. well not really really drained but its starting to get to me. my voice is starting to go away. hopefully it'll last till the end of orientation tmr. anyway heres how've its been...

first day of orientation. On like 2and1/2 hours of sleep, i went down to sku damn early, had to do preps to receive the freshman. so well the first day erebus was SUPER DEAD OK. i mean seriously no enthusiam or anything. individually i think at the end of the day my group made a fair bit of progress. but man, the grp A families were SUPER ON lor. it kinda gets you down sometimes when freshman dont absorb the enthusiam u display. i mean i definately was super on on the first day. lucky for me it did spread to some of my OG pple. which is still quite bad, cos the og in general is still pretty tired. oh and when the whole erebus family comes together and cheer, its really really_________________. i seriously think when individual OG's cheer its better.
second day of orientation got a lil better. the cheers started to get loud. pple were breaking the shyness, the PLs were getting a lil more active, although they still have lots to learn. BUT STILL, that sense of energy is not there, and it gets really hard sometimes, when i look arnd erebus, i mean the OGLs are great and all, but somehow its lacking that burst, that energy that like argo is displaying. i mean demeter is really enthu, but thats only because their OFL is super on. argo is more of spontaneous sort of enthu. WHICH is what is what makes orientation FUN!
just hopefully come tmr the whole grp of pple can start to overcome the shyness. they are generally willing to participate but still lacking that enthu sort of thing.

its tiring. i need to find so much more strength. i need to work a new way. i need to do something. but i am already doing-.- hoping things will work out tmr just aint good enough,

man. i need to get this together. orientation must be FUN!

2007!~

2007-01-01T12:32:00.000+08:00

well looks like this is the first post of the new year.

hindsight of 2006, well it has been one, interesting year. 2004 probably marked the year my life changed the most in just abt everyway, but i would 2006 is pretty life changing as well. wont really go into the details but if u really wanna know, ask me! haha.

well since i havent updated in awhile i ll just give a brief rundown on whats been happening.
ytd was the last the day of the, and i pretty much spent the whole day in church. haha. well if u guys are thinking my church so on whole day service, well not really la. so heres what happened.
we had sss as usual in the morning. they took the passage from 2 tim 4:7. i was initially quite cycnical. i have no idea why, but it ended up that the whole session was really enriching. gave a real good sense of renewal and zest for the new year. oh and the song item they gave was really good too. well sss was followed by our service, which was also another heartwarming session. and they sang O holy lamb of God. wow. haha thats all i can say abt it. so when that was over it was abt 12. we had a short brief on clean protocol in 07, which was followed by lunch. after lunch i did the 4th floor clean up for the last time in 07.
when that was done, well it was arnd 3. i had till 8 to wait(down memory lane service) dint wanna go home cos i had work to do, and i can at least study in church. where its quiet and without distractions. well peh and most of the batch pple who were still arnd in church went to town. which was really. zzz. i mean of course i wanted to go, but dang. i guess i had to study. at least i m more or less done with my organic chem revision+tutorials. so dml came arnd.
i think it was the longest service i ever had. haha. it was abt 2hours15min. but it hardly felt that long. the time of singing and well just reflecting on 06 was enriching once again. i ll have to rmb these thoughts now.
post dml was followed with my dinner, they had teo-chew food. spreads and spreads of it man. oh and the sweet veggies were SUPER SAlTY LA. cannot tahan man. i had my countdown in church at the lift lobby-.- it was initially supposed to be at rooftop, but i guess we miss the Q.-.- well it was fun anyway.

aft that my family and i went down to east coast for some supper. i was pretty tired by that time. felt pretty boggy already. well when i got home i pretty much slpt thru.

so thats 31st dec 06 for u all!

first few random thoughts for 2007.
a. i need to complete my homework. and i need someone to help me PLEASE print two maths papers for me. if anyone is willinging to do so please tell me ok. i ll drop by your place to collect it.
b. i wanna go watch movie. anyone interested? haha.
c. i miss my bball trainings. badly.
d. i have so many things i wanna do for the new year, i m afraid i wont keep to them and might just forget them-.- but i ll try.
e. my a levels are coming THIS YEAR. *mindblowing*
f. badminton anyone?
g. cycling anyone? i wanna go.
h. i need to stay very focused. very.
i. i still need to restring my guitar. but first i gotta find my polish cloth-.- (seems no link right? well cause i wanna polish my guitar before i restring it again. its basically easier to polish it without the strings)
j. i realised that my brain is really rusty, i had to think of what was coming after 'i'.
k. can anyone teach me chem/maths? within the next two days-.- my organic has some dying questions to ask, and i think my maths is pretty rusty to do my homework.

well thats pretty much it. i ll keep in tune. yup takecare and tag ya! haha.

2006-12-31T00:26:00.000+08:00

that will be the best thing i can ever remember
i ll always remember the sound of the stereo
the dim of the soft lights
the scent of your hair you twirled in your fingers
the time on your watch,
when we realised it's too late
standing by your door
with your hands on my waist.

like you meant it.
i knew you did.
you meant it.

haha i love this song. i changed it a lil, but yea its a beautiful song.

2006-12-29T18:30:00.000+08:00

well people i m back again.

man i just went thru the list of homework i have to do,

a. i realised i cant print the maths papers, so hopefully i can find someone who can help me with that
b. i dont have the econs EIGHT PAGE TUTORIAL FULL OF ESSAY QUESTIONS. zzz
c. i cant find my arenes notes, and tutorial. thats just shitty man.

so yea homework rocks. gonna need to get really productive to keep myself on the first week of school.

on a lighter note, the weather is DAMN NICE TODAY! no rain. WEE. it was a lil cloudy for the most of it, so i took the opportunity to go for a run arnd 5. when i did, i could actually FEEL THE SUN! man i miss the sun. i mean like it was just a lil evening sun so that was fine. so i decided to run a lil more then i usually do today to celebrate! well i clocked slightly over 4km today. felt pretty good to be running again. haha.

the new year is coming. i probably should start gathering my thoughts together and spend some time thinking.

yupyup, take care pple! and rmb to TAG. haha. i dint even know that poper read my blog. lol.

POP.
that was for u. haha.

2006-12-29T00:05:00.000+08:00

well its been quite a day i would say.
whole morning was spent in sku, preparing for orientation and all. which was pretty tiring considering it required me to wake up at like 7. which is quite toot for aholiday-.-

well anyway the walk-in looks pretty sweet, hopefully things will work out come 3rd jan.

anyway, aft that went down to church to help with the deco stuff. man the frosted stuff was a killer. wipe and wipe cannot come off de. then come off le must like do another few rounds before the glass looks cleaner. well it was pretty tiring but all good i guess.

i spent most of the night learning this song from ffaf. -your revolution is a joke. its a pretty good acoustic song, although the tune down thing is quite tooties. but its nice.

the song by nature can get a person down i guess, so i shall not practise too much lest, haha u get the picture, and if u dont, heres the lyrics to get some of that imagery right.

picture guitar plucking in minors

they stand to fight for nothing
they show how stupid we've become
as fortune favours only
those who care too much to see
it will never be the same
some will say
we stand to fight for nothing
so close your eyes and stay awake
dont believe their headlines
they poison our minds everyday
it will never be the same
purpose buried everyday
lifes that lead u to the grave
some will say

well theres still some of it. but if u still cant picture it, go get the song or something. haha.

yeap thats it for now. new year's coming. man u can hear the school bell ringing already. wee right?

need for speed

2006-12-27T13:57:00.000+08:00

hey people.

after a long like 1and a half days of rain, i realised this morning there wasnt any rain!!! ground was a lil wet, so i decided to let it dry a lil. was a lil itchy for a ride so decided to go cycling. to pierce!

well i got my stuff ready and by abt 11+ the sky already began to look a lil dark, but weather report said it wouldnt rain for at least another few hours. so i made my way.

and the stupid weather-.- by the time i hit potong pasir i started to feel a lil drizzle, well since it was really light i went on. come the start of yck road, it began to pour. i was super ._____. lor. anyway it got really heavy and i had to stop at a bustop near the amk flyover. thankfully the rain was just passing and in abt 5min i was on my way already. the wet roads was quite a putoff. but at least it wasnt raining. nothing much happened till my return trip from lower pierce.

when i was on my way back, just aft the amk flyover, i saw a 147!! haha. (for those who dont know, 147 would take the exact same route as me all the way down to my place) so what the hey right? i decided to race it. was pretty boring though, by the time i the serangoon mrt i lost it already-.- anyway the next bus i saw when i joined upp serangoon rd was a 133*beams* it was a good 100m at least in front of me so i picked up. man. no chance. lol. i lost sight of it till i hit potong pasir. haha then i overtook it.wee.

well that was abt all the events that happened. the whole trip was pretty short, abt 25km. haha i think i hit a new top spd of 45km/h. lol. on a trunk road i mean. that was down upp serangoon road just aft the woodleigh turn. was pretty crazy man. but the feeling was great.

well that abt concludes this trip. take care pple!

2006-12-25T22:36:00.000+08:00

i m feeling emo again. zzz.

anyway.

MERRY CHIRSTMAS WORLD!
May God's JOY touch your heart in a very special way!

The christmas programme today so rocked. haha. although i think the teens made quite a booboo at let there be light, but i think it was really cool with the lightsticks and all. lunch was great as usual. and for ONCE. the batch had an outing that was remotely wonderful. haha, we went over to nick's place for some bbq-ing and PIZZA making. cool right? anyway i was doing the pizzas, and my my it was good lor. lol. i m serious, the tomato was just SEHs. plus the cheese. man it was good.
the bbq was quite .___. i think too many sasuages but it was still good. and then we got a lil cranky over a bottle of beer. lol. qingyang was like a lil cranky but it was funny.

christmas was enriching. joy. something i definately need to work on.

anyways, school's coming back into the picture(yea boohoo). i do need to get on with my work. if i could just get out of this stupid _______________________. i dont wanna end up being the bad guy and stuff. it all seems so childish but i seem pretty much stuck right there. man. teenage life.

so yeap, HOMEWORK HERE I COME. yea i wish.
take care people.

2006-12-21T22:44:00.000+08:00

my pet rabbit just died.

his name is bushy. dont ask why, he doesnt look bushy anymore anyway.

i guess he led a pretty long life for a rabbit. almost reached his 8th year.

well this post goes out to u boy, childhood memory, he was never all that interactive, but always a joy to have. take care bush. although u dont have a soul, which probably means its the end of the road for u, but take care boy.

In loving memory
Bushy
1998-2006

2006-12-21T20:47:00.000+08:00

ok i ve decided to backspace the entire original post, so its doesnt look so emo. haha.

man i shld stop already.
i ve gotta be strong.

gotta be.

feels alot better already. haha. i ll see if i can move it or something.

2006-12-19T21:47:00.000+08:00

well well.
there are 7364193297127391 things to do right now, that i shld be doing other then blogging but ah.... u get the picture. lets see

1. i need to do my christmas shopping.
2. i shall not bother to list down all the maths and chemistry and physics and economics and other revision i have to do. i shall label this as 'homework' to deceive myself that it is only one item such that maybe i ll feel better-.-
3. i need to get my hair a trim.
4. i still need to work on my testimony.
5. i need to spend some time thinking.
6. oh did i mention i need to do christmas shopping.
7. i need more time on the court and on track. but the weather has just been damn gay.

well thats all that comes straight off my mind. i shall stop the listing lest i get extremely demoralised.

but just for the record,
8. i need to get new earphones.
9. i need to restring my guitar.

ok that dint help.

so the rain has been really nice weather to sleep in, however thats hardly what i m doing anyway. just running arnd. man christmas is really bustling this year. have to find time to just settle down and think thru abt things.

anyway, i came across this super emo song on mtv. haha here u go emo freaks out there.

30 Seconds to Mars
The Kill

what if i wanted to break,
laugh it all in your face
what would you do
what if i fell to the floor
couldnt take this anymore
what would you do (do, do)

come break me down
bury me bury me
i am finished with you.

you say you wanted more
what are you waiting for
i m not running from you.

come break me down
bury me bury me
i am finished with you.
look in my eyes.
you re killing me, killing me
all i wanted was you.

ok i couldnt figure out the rest of the lyrics, some parts are missing, but well if you really wanted to see accurate lyrics u could go search it off the net right? haha. anyway if anyone wants the songs just drop me a msg. haha.

yeap i think thats all for tonight.
Christmas shopping!

if its gonna be ok right now

2006-12-17T00:37:00.000+08:00

HELLO.

well seems like this place has gotten pretty dusty once again. so heres an update abt whats been going on!

well conference just ended on friday. (started sunday evening) and as usual, conference just rocks. haha. will update more abt conference(although i highly doubt it, but at the least i ll put up my testimonial on my blog).

carolling tonight,(or rather last night) was great too. i mean not just the food( including our all time favourite chocolate foundtain, turkey, stew, tiramisu, sushi... u get the picture), i think we all had a great time singing together. the old folks home we visited was quite an experience as well. haha some funny things happened but i shall not mention it. (tag if u wanna know! haha) my fingers are hurting slightly from all the guitar playing. it always does. but hey it was all well worth it.

we gonna have a concert rehearsal (or rather performance rehearsal) later on today, pretty worried abt it. its like i m still not entirely sure abt my parts, and i dont tink i ve spent enuff time thinking abt it. (for the first time in my life i m actually admitting i dont think enough) anyway, i think i shld spend more time thinking abt it.

now that the update abt church stuff is just abt over. well my sku work pile has not moved. so that sucks. i have to start touching it this week. somehow. its daunting. but i ll find strength. somehow. haha.

well thats abt it for now i guess. gonna have to work on my testimonial sometime. yupp guys and girls, tag and take care ya!!

2006-12-05T00:14:00.000+08:00

ah i ve been so lazy to blog recently..

much has happened over the last few days.. lets see.

ok i m pretty lazy to give the details but i guess the highlight would be on ogl camp. dang fun man.

ok firstly, the planning really sucked. the execution was even worse, kept gaving contridicting instructions, which made everyone a lil pissed at everything. ok let me give u an example of poor planning.

1000h-1130h: water games
1130h - 1230h: lunch
1230-1400h: college dance
1400h- xx00h: MORE WATER GAMES.

THE WORSE PART IS THEY DINT ALLOW US TO CHANGE TO SLIPPERS. so we were all soaked during lunch with squeaky shoes that were itching my legs like nuts. we danced in itchy shoes and finally had MORE water games. oh btw the games really suck. i think they shld stick to more common games, although it may seem like unoriginal, at least its fun. zz. the games sucked.

food was just as bad. first time, there's actually a lack of food. in most of my experiences of camps, theres always TOO much food. until we have to stuff it somehow. (grins) so first there wasnt enuff food, and secondly the food was terrible. zz.

so i guess the only thing that made it fun was the fact that it was a ogl camp. and the bonding and stuff. erebus rocks=). (although i still think lithium is better)

i ll explain. u see, erebus is enthu and all, and of cos we have a few pple in every grp who dont really wanna enthu and all, but thats normal. so whats the diff? well, erebus has a very autocratic leadership, they DONT get pple involve. they just get the relevent pple and discuss leaving the others out. i mean sure the others could go in and join the discussion, but i tink u get what i mean. i m not spiking any of the leaders but this is one thing i cant, as a leader myself accept. anybody can come out with ideas, can shout and scream, but not everyone can lead the group TOGETHER such that the groups suceeds together. fundamental flaw.

so anyway after ogl camp most of us went down to pizza hut. and we got super high. we were like all contagious in laughter. jingwen was SUPER HIGH lor. lol. yea everyone(at least on my side of the table) was laughing to our hearts contents) its just one of those days where u only can relish.

now i pretty torn apart with descions. i got yc coming up next week. together with my own training, + ogl stuff. painting the banners and all. i dont know how i m gonna manage my time. seriously, i m gonna miss alot of yc. and i know thats a descion i m gonna regret but. what shld i do? on top of all these i still REALLY REALLY need to get some revision done, if not i m just gonna see myself waste my A levels. seriously. i m gonna regret that my entire life if i do so. but what can i say, i just cant put myself to it. God help.

some random thoughts:
i feel like running again.
badminton.
mahjong =P
more bball training pls.
more interesting games.
kfc buddy meal rocks. someday i know i m gonna die of high cholestrol. haha.

well i ll sotp here for now. take care pple. rmb to tag!

2006-11-21T20:31:00.000+08:00

i wish that wasnt all that i meant to you.

well my blog was starting to collect dust, so i decided to put in a post to fill things up. just update on some stuff that has been happening over the past few days...

well firstly was probably the bball camp. its was really interesting. got to know the team alot more. we also had this mental strength coach to come in and talk to us, that helped. during the camp we had a friendly with MI, which i really think is quite dumb, considering we hardly got enough sleep and that some of the bball pple were drunk the night b4. well anyway we lost something like 15-30. it was an interesting game, i do feel we shld have won but oh well. i missed two chances so... zzz.

next up, DRAGONBOAT!!! omg that shit was fun. the bball team together with the soccer guys went down to kallang for some dragonboating. well it was pretty boring, if u think of the things we actually did, but i like kayaking so i guess dragonboating does fall into a similar catergory. it was fun!

holiday lessons just stink. today's chem+maths lecture was a total waste of my time. i mean i know i should be studying and all, but i just really couldnt put myself into the mood to study and listen. i m just not prepared to take my A's next year. which yes does mean i m pretty screwed.
i just wanna practise and improve my ball game right now. which is really killing my studies. dang.

i wanna watch a movie. zz
nfs carbon rocks. the graphics is really sweet.
i still feel like playing badminton.
i m hungry.

ok enough random thoughts. take care and i ll see u all arnd. tag pple!

i wish i hadnt grown so inward. its disgusting.

2006-11-10T19:05:00.000+08:00

LONGGGGGGG DAY.

yawn.

i think i rotted alot today.
woke up pretty early. had to go for training. was expecting it to be really tough. well expecting at least. there were lyk 9 guys who turned up, coach dint come. we ended training at like ten. dots. i dint even feel tired. not tired=no shiok. so that was kinda a waste. oh ya, but it was FREAKING hot man. the sun seemed to be pretty on form. anyway

went to eat lunch with alan. the coffee shop opp school that sells wanton mee shld close down. its mee its so yucks-.- stupid thing was, after we ate, some of the bball pple just came out of school. said they were slacking in the canteen. so dots. well went to pei them go kfc eat. ting was lyk damn on form. he bought the buddy meal and was like gobbling it down. kinda sick man. anyway wanted to play pool after that, dropped by superbowl then the pool shop close le-.-. remus and ting went to do abit of datona and went home lor.

my desktop internet is still dead.
it hangs after 5 min of using IE.
tell me if that sucks...

random: i feel like playing badminton.
haha.

more random stuff

2006-11-05T12:12:00.000+08:00

ok something i ripped off shuli's blog so here we go..

One. Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself. And theyâ€™ve gotta be true.

Two. Come up with 5 false statements regarding yourself, but for fun sake keep them in the thershold of believability.

Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order.

Four. Post them on your blog and let people guess which the five false ones are!

Five. Get 5 others to do the same.

alright i hope i can come out with 15 stupid stuff. lets go.

BEEP.
you know what. lyk dang. i tried coming out wif this list. but my brain's not co-operating. only came out lyk 7 items. so i guess i ll give this one a miss. sorry shuli =(

anyway if u pple out there wanan make me do more random stuff just let me know. i tink it gives me more drive to blog anyway if not i probably wont. ok take care pple .

2006-10-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

ok this is something i ripped off zel's blog. apparently i was targeted to put this down so here we go..

1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. Press forward for each question
3. Use the song title to answer the questions although it may not make sense
4. Tag 5 people to do the [lame] quiz
5. Bold the questions so as not to blind others

how are you feeling today?
--> Sunday Drive, The early november.
well pretty appriopraite i guess. so emo. lol

how do your friends see you?
-->Dirty lil secret, all american rejects.
ok LOL can. i dont know what kind of dirty secret that could imply but...

will you get married?
-->This photograph is proof (i know), taking back sunday.
ok i think this song has no link at all to the question. but if it does it reflects some shitty marriage i m gonna have -.-

whats your best friend's theme song?
-->Ode to my family, the cranberries
ok no idea who's my best fren, but i guess my best fren must be a pretty sad person to have this as a theme song. but its a nice song. =)

what was primary school like?
--> Mockingbird, eminem
HAHA. ok this adds quite a twist to it.

how can you get ahead in life?
-->in loving memory, alter bridge.
ERM. ok it seems my life plan according to this thingy is gonna be a real sad one. first a shitty marriage and next the lost of a loved one to drive my life forward. doesnt that just make u wanna jump to see how interesting ur life is gonna be? ._.

what is the best thing about your friends?
-->History, funeral for a friend.
erm. HEY i m not a sadist ok. i treasure my friends.

what is in store for this weekend?
-->cemetry drive, my chemical romance
HAHA. it does lyk sort of fit as an answer but i sure hope not.

what song describes you?
--> Everthing's too cold but you re so hot, the early november
DISCLAMER: the song has hardly any relevance to the title in my opinion. but oh well.

to describe your grandparents?
--> perfect, simple plan.
erm. i hardly know them but i guess its a good thing.

how is your life going?
-->savin me, nickelback
lol? so am i saving me or am i saving someone or is someone saving me? lol.

what song will they play at your funeral?
-->all the rage, funeral for a friend.
man i know pple are gonna be sad and all, but this is kinda extreme. yea the artist matches the question but THATS NOT THE POINT. haha.

how does the world see you?
-->who am i?, casting crowns.
erm. ok i dont know if its a good thing but...

will you have a happy life?
--> thoughts before me, amber pacific.
erm. ok this is getting kinda erm. freaky.haha.

what do your friends really think of you?
-->i loved you all the long, our lady peace.
AWWW! well so frens see me differently from the world.

do people secretly lust after you?-->till the day i die, story of the year.
erm. ok i shall not attempt to interpret this question.

how can i make myself happy?
-->a decade under the influence, taking back sunday.
i m really not a sadist u know... so now i m happy when i m upset. gawd.

what should you do with your life?
-->this year's most heartbreak, funeral for a friend.
erm. huh?

will you ever with children?
-->cute without the E, taking back sunday.
huh again. why cant my mp3 play a song lyk.. oh well.

oh. its over. i was just beginning to enjoy myself. oh well.
ok i m gonna leave out the 5 name thingy. but feel free to add this to ur blog. i tink its pretty interesting. haha.

2006-10-17T20:54:00.000+08:00

hey pple!

promos are over =D
i realised that my blog is starting to collect alot of dust again. so decided to blog i guess.

exams over. but doesnt really feel that way though. with the op thing coming along with very limtied time. and the fear of getting retained (i mg etting results tmr) sucks. its a really bad feeling to have.

anyway thank God for simple things in life that allow me to still enjoy a lil (although i really shlnt be). went out wif my class today. went to catch 'scoop'. ok i felt it was a really crappy show. went to play pool after that. surprisingly lady luck was on my side and i won all my games. wow. haha.

its been hard to stay focus on the things i ought to focus on these days. distractions are getting on hard. post exam fever kicks in. and i guess the drive isnt really there. i really need to buck up.

i also realised my blog posts are very random. sigh.oh yes and i have to comment that.
HAZE SUCKS. GO HOME.
i cant do anything with the haze arnd. i ve stop my normal running ( that sucks). my bball training is lyk now mostly indoors (sucks x2). i seem to be having this cought that doesnt leave me alone for more than a month now (suck x3) and everybody just aint happy with it. man.

ok i shall stop here/ this haze is killing me. got training tmr. goodness its gonna be aft er FOUR HOURS of op preps. how sucky can that be? i think i m gonna go to training lyk a zombie. and thats just not good.

alright take care pple.

2006-10-01T18:27:00.000+08:00

may angels guide you tonight.

=)

2006-09-27T17:51:00.000+08:00

where did you?
you were there. i m sure you were
you passed by. i m sure you did
but now you re gone. the only thing i dont know

i just came back from my. sadly i ran more then i shld have, i mean in terms of distance. i realised that my runs give me inspiration to blog. promos kick in tmr. cant u just feel the excitement? ok i m not gonna blog about promos.

i realised that what my 'inspiring' runs have been giving me inspiration to blog about is bringing me back to the me, the older me. i would blog about things but there would always been missing pieces, pieces u needed to have to understand but would never have unless you knew what they meant. which of cos makes my blog a pretty sad place to visit. so i m gonna sum up everything with as few words as possible so that it doesnt seem so glaring.
and its hard simply becos of this
becos no matter how far, things would always been furthur.
becos no matter how close, things would remain
becos no matter how joyful, nothing meaningful

ok i could go on but i think i ll stop here.

on a lighter note, i ve uncovered one of the unknown number of pple who read blogs but dont tag, i ll leave it to the person to unveil la. pple read le must tag ma.

more random thoughts
i ve also realised that since i started running, i ve been running for many reasons. i wont go into the detail of that, but its pretty interesting thing to see how u grow up.

i still think trigonometry sucks.

ok i m lazy to blog already. SEE if i m so lazy to blog how much more discipline can i get to study right? the joys of life. ok study hard and erm, take care pple. =D

the joys and miseries of teenage infactuations.

2006-09-25T22:08:00.000+08:00

hey people.

promos is in... very soon la.

does concern have a price tag? definately no.

how much is too much concern. or rather 'concern'

i was having conferencing with Mrs Pah today for gp, i screwed up 2 of my essays. that really got me in the mood for my gp paper which is, ah yes this thursday. aniwae, we talked about the 'too much too little' question type. where by one of the thingys u have to do (as taught) if u were to argue that it is too much, is to show -ve impacts/consquences/etc of the thing the debate is about. which i realise is taking place at a more personal level in my life.

get the picture?
no?
well i m not really expecting u to, its just some of my crazy thoughts again. its coming back again. again. not again..

why do i waste my worries on some lil things like these. when its not lyk i can do anything (which is 'right' aniwae) about it. waste my worries.

when u cried i, wipe away all of your tears
when u scream, i fight away of your fears
i held your hand thru of these years
u still am
all of me.

who really cares if the lyrics is wrong. you get the picture.

2006-09-24T18:48:00.000+08:00

promos is just arnd the corner.

damn.

i think my over confidence is killing me. as in really. i really wonder how i clocked that 18 hours in a day mugging during o levels. that was maddness. come to think of it, 18 hours seems humanly IMPOSSIBLE. dammit man. how the beep did i do it. i wish mugger me would just wake up again. miricle need i.

i really ought to do less running. i think i m spending too much time running in this time. just came back from a run not too long ago, it was nice, dint do too much today, my mind was on maths. i think i covered abt 2.6km or something. but i think my pace was a lil fast today.
i still think i shld run less.

my mind is also stuck on pw. shit man.
i went shopping for stationary today. i love my pencil case. its so so, tiny. *beams*
ok i feel lyk taking my econs paper NOW. i m afraid i forget everything that i revised by the time the exam comes.

PROMOS GO HOME.
the thought that i wouldnt be able to celebrate after promos with pw going intensive really makes my exam studying a whole lot worse.

i need some refreshment.

shout out to all those preparing for exams/having them now, JIA YOU. wee.

2006-09-23T20:02:00.000+08:00

the weekend is here. wee? i guess. i really shld study alot more.

i felt pretty shitty today. i know i shldnt have felt that way. but i did. i couldnt help it. it just overtook me and..
its not something i shld have thought of. but it really did waste my time. i know i shldnt call it a waste of time. but i just hope things lyk these would be better planned. this is getting very ironic. zz.

mcr's new song is weird. but the MV is DAMN cool. lol.

i really i dont know what i do when u tell me that.

kfc craving. dinner was quite bad.did make me feel full though. the barley tasted weird. chicken weird. fish tasted fishy, veggie was the only thing that was normal-.-

ok i m feeling very random. i shall stop here then. all those mugging out there, jia you ya..

2006-09-18T18:12:00.000+08:00

sku was not as bad as i thought it would turn up. just have a lot of homework. zz.

nth much has been happening i guess. boring life. i need after promos. but who doesnt right?
a song got stuck in my head over the weekend. again. haha

this is sunday drive by the early november.

emo (:

and the rain above our roof
we re turning to go home.
and the silent from your side of the car
tells me everything and how we are.
cos theres no more trying to make this so right
theres no more trying tonight.

And u know its not so easy when u re all alone
and i wonder if i m alone in your head.

I know something is wrong
i just dont know what to do.
You say its only me and
that i m so perfect for you.
I dont want to try no more
I dont want to make this right
i just want you to be true to me
one time.

And you know its not so easy when u re all alone
and i wonder if i m alone in your head...

days gone by since i ve saw you last,
i ll give this one more try
i ll give it all my best.
and i ll think
what could you be doing that is so much fun
without me by your side
without me by your side
and i ll take a step back
and i ll let u ahead
and i ll take a step away and see if u come back
becos theres no more trying to make this so right
theres no more trying, no more trying tonight
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
we will never be the same
until you re done.

so emo.
the lyrics isnt exactly the same but well its nice=)
ok mugging time.

2006-09-17T21:08:00.000+08:00

its a daunting task.

well i missed sunday sku today. had to meeting up for pw in the morning. aniwae i felt lyk a idiot this morning. apart from being late already, upon reaching compasspoint, i took the wrong lrt. i was suppose to take the EAST side. i took the west-.- U CANt blame me ok. the stupid thing had two different trains coming in on the same platform. i dint noe that. so when i saw compassvale to platform 2, i just boarded the first train that came. unlucky me. SO aniwae when i realised i was on the wrong train, i decided i shld get off and take the opp direction train back to senkang and den take the EAST train there. bad mistake. i got off at thanggam, and guess what? THE STUPID SERVICE IS ONLY ONE WAY. i called johnson and he told me i had to wait for the next train to come which wasted another 10min of my time. FINALLy when i reached sengkang again 30min after my first arrival, i took note of the train that was coming, it read EAST so thankful it brought me to where i was suppose to go.
LRTs are dumb.
where got 2 different train going in two different directions come to the same platform de.

ok so that made me feel really dumb.

the rest of the day was pretty much on project work and good food. chicken chop at rivervale mall is not bad *grins*

aniwae i m starting to feel the exam fever. promos is coming under a week. i must be going now. duty calls.

2006-09-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

hello again.

yes i ve realised that i m blogging a lot more. no idea why. but aniwae.

sku today was really cool. the class all started to get high during the break b4 chem spa. and aft that till aft sku, was just fun. haha. super funny things man. 1s8 rocks.! i m too lazy to go over the details. zzz.

aniwae.
for some reason my playlist tonight seem to be playing songs thats getting me into a very reflective mood. no idea why. i noe i shldnt be thinking all this with my maths infront of me which i m still dumbfounded by, but o well.

i m still having problems wif what to share for choir on sat. feel lyk dropping a msg to aunty Min and ask her abt it. *grins. yea but i m still thinking abt what to share...

well i ll stop here. getting lazy to go into all the details of my very INTERESTING life. smiles.
take care pple.

2006-09-12T18:35:00.000+08:00

well well i m back. its been a really tiring day at sku.

aniwae. first thing that was really cool was that we had OUTDOOR pe today. HOW COOL IS THAT? we went to punggol park early in the morning to have our PE lesson there. HOW COOL IS THAT? haha. ok i m getting obessed with that. aniwae, we played this treasure hunt sort of game, which was EXTREMELY tiring cos my grp was running from checkpoint to checkpoint. aniwae i tink my grp was the only grp to finish all the checkpoints =D. well what can i sa right? =P

so outdoor pe really gave a good start to my day. following lessons were pretty tiring. got a lil sleepy in between the lectures and tutorials. goddness i really need to get my sleep. but i tink i really need some rest. i stuffed lot TONNES of infomation into my brain today. its lyk physics chem maths gp altogether thruout the day which kept my mind very very very, did i mention very busy thruout. my brain needs a break man.

ok sku was pretty ok.
i got my hair cut, and some pple would say again? well yea again. i tink its pretty short now. i think. =D

aniwae.
everyday seems to be bringing on different lessons to learn. its still amazes me/
i m having some problem wif thinking of what to share to the choir coming sat, i had to be the one arrowed at-.- sighh well i guess thats what u get for not getting any post.. but its good i guess, just that i ve been trying to find something meaningful to share wif the choir, and i guess its been pretty limited. hope over the week something comes=)

ok nth much to blog abt already. so yupp KEEP tagging pple/ take care.=D

2006-09-10T18:30:00.000+08:00

ok i woke up pretty late. lyk 12pm. missed church altogether.
i only have SUPER vague memories of my dad calling me and me saying something super incoherent or something lyk that. i miss church already.

i m printing my eom final now. gawd glad its over. i just hope its up to EE standard. if not i m just gonna cry.

sats ypg was really meaningful. diligence. man i felt lyk doing maths aft that already. but it did mean alot.

i realised that its really hard. but when taste it. u noe it means so much more now. and lyk in my other post, it uncovers new prespectives all over again. so cool right?

aniwae skus kicking back in again tmr. i HAVE to do those mock papers. zzz. i need so much more discipline in my life. sigh.

ok i dont noe what to blog already. tag pple! and take care.

who am i?

2006-09-08T07:01:00.000+08:00

Who am i?
that the Lord of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt
who am i?
that the bright and morning star
would choose to light the way
for my ever wondering heart?

Who am i?
that the eyes that see my sin
would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who am i?
that the voice that calmed the sea
would call out thru the rain
and calm the storm in me
Not becos of who i am
but becos of who you are

I am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tommorow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapour in the wind
STILL you hear me when i m calling
Lord you catch me when i m falling
and told me who i am
i am Yours

Ok i FINALLY changed my blogskin=)
i love the song.
its refreshing to be able to see a new prespective each time.

i m still having some problems with the skin though. Helps?
1) the font on the first post and the rest is different.
2) i have no idea why the font size is HUGE on the second post and beyond
3) ok i fixed the achieving problems. gosh its really been quite a long time since i made this blog-.-
4) tagboard seem to have changed like super lot. i cant seem to access my tagboard account anymore. damn. have to change to chatterbox or something..
5) still thinking if i should adjust the widths of the blog and stuff. looks funny on my NEW computer screen =D

ok thats all i can think of. yupp tag pple ok tag!

2006-08-14T01:11:00.000+08:00

Spend all your time waiting
for a second chance
for a break that would make it ok
theres always some reason
to feel not good enough
and its hard at the end of the day
i need some distraction
Ohh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty and weight
and maybe
i ll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that u feel
you are brought from the wreakage
of your silent reverie
youre in the arms of an angel
may you find some comfort here.

so tired of the straight lines
and every where u turn
theres vulture and thiefs at your back
storms keeps on twisting
keep on building the lies that u make up for all that u lack
dun make no difference
escape one last time
its easier to belief
In this sweet madness
Ohh this glory and sadness
that brings me to my kness

In the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness u feel
u are brought from the wreakage
of your silent reverie
you re in the arms of an angel
may you find some comfort here.

2006-08-08T22:56:00.000+08:00

well its been quite awhile since i last blogged. have been having shit load of thoughts recently. about how things work and all... i m kinda lazy to blog em all down. guess i ratehr it just get pulled along side wif time

msg at ypg last week seemed lyk a pretty normal ypg msg. but i guess over thinking bout it, its starting to make me think abt my faith all over again.,
thiniking of reasons. scrapping watever i have. but i realised they are all really weak. reasons that dun make a person want something so bad. re-evualation.
i just wonder why den. why go thru all the trouble. everyone is having a ball out there. here i am making my life miserable by having these thoughts. setting my treasures above seems lyk such a foreign concept that i cant seem to fathom its importance.

why am i doing these things. does it have to be this way i ask myself. i cant seem to go against myself. theres a war waging inside me. one which i wished dint take place. once whose causualties are causing me to spin more and more each day. and yet it seems everything is going so fucking fine. doesnt life get any better.

ok i shall stop here. before my frens start thinking i m growing this pessimistic mindset again. i m not ok? i just expressing my thoughts. jia you guys and girls out there!

2006-07-11T18:46:00.000+08:00

soaked in perspiration
panting for breath
the sun beams strongly on
its the last lap..

the call comes for those to come
exhaustion, panic, reluctance seen all around
the time has been set
faces turn in weakness
the test has come

bodies are pumped up and ready to go
adrendaline fuels people's desire and determination
a sound explodes in the air
blood pumps through gasping veins

the first 100metres are filled with determination
renewed muscular strengths dominate
the second 100metres makes breathing harder
physical strength still pulls on strong
the 3rd set of 100metres brings weariness to a new level
breathing becomes harder and harder, and harder

the last 100metres destorys all thoughts
the body is weak, your lungs are dying for breath
heave step heave step are the only momentum you can think of
you feel like you could just drop dead on the floor
your body feels like its gonna collapse
you feel like stopping to giving grace to your body
but no
you push
and push on
the end only seems so far away
ignoring all human instinct and rational thought
you give it your best

and its over..
dropping dead tired on the field
you feel your body dying
your lungs gasping for breath
your mind starting to spin
every thought in your brain tells you to get up
to make sure you cramp not
tired and exhausted

you ve done it
and its over
and life goes on..

2006-06-18T13:11:00.000+08:00

ok its been quite awhile..

my mind is in real shit right now.
i need to study.
i need to stop getting these distractive thoughts.
i need to bring some discipline in my life.
i need a miracle.

i ve decided to go for one of those runs again.
shag myself out till i cant think straight.
at least it numbs the pains.
it prevents me from harming.
it keeps the beast tamed.

its just one of those days.

sometimes i just hate myself for me.

2006-05-29T21:42:00.000+08:00

its been about 2 years since i created this blog. gosh. tats quite a thought. i guess i entered in alot of emotions here b4. lookin back its lyk, yea gosh man. memories.

i ve been thru some thought over the weekend. again. i tink i need something better to do, well but i guess i cant really help it. its just a part of me.

everything that has been said and then, my thoughts, are all spread across the table now. its a different set of notions from my normal generations. its different this time i noe. and i noe its never good enough to feel right. such strengths are limitless. the way to these descions are well, painfully painful. i guess we all dont really mean things but implications go furthur den what we desire right? sometimes for the better or well not so much i guess. we remember more then we like to forget. its painful. when u know how everything will eventually unfold it burns you from the inside. yea these are one of those things that strike back those memories.

its hard to find the limit of things sometimes. when u just wanna reach out and embrace things but u noe once again its gonna slap u in the face. eventually. haha.

i m having one of those feelings of going on a long cycle to burn myself out again. just to sweat it out. or maybe to go run arnd the bball court till i cant feel my legs, just to burn myself down. i just wanna keep those away from me. at least until i can breathe easy once again.

i m not tired. i m just exhausted. theres a difference.
ok den u guys take care ya.

breathe in

2006-04-29T23:04:00.000+08:00

heyy peep.
feeling quite weird today. thought i blog down some of my thoughts.

i had alot of sleep since friday. was lying on my bed on friday, just enjoying the night. without having to worry about tmr, just slacking you know.. i just went thru what i tout would be a horrible week. with so many deadlines, test, and a handful of other stuff.

somehow i woke up this morning feeling kinda philophical. yea tat sounds weird but well tats how i felt.. was thinking about how fragile life is. picture this
well jennifer(just a name i snapped out) is an ordinary girl(dun ask me why girl, you can call her john and make her a guy if u really want). studies in an alrite secondary sku, alrite grades, not too good, but not all the Fs.. does her cca and stuffs. well basically leads an ordinary life and stuff.. scenario 1: she goes out with her frens one day, buys a macdonalds meal, happens to have some promotion of a million dollar cash prize lucky draw, and well she wins it. when interviewed by the press on her feelings, she gets lucky and gets hooked up with the media and becomes a multimillion aire becos of her hidden talent in talking on tv(is there even such a thing? have no idea buts lets just say la..). Her life has changed forever. she wears, talks, acts -and well i dunno what else -differently. money changes people. she circle of frens changes. well yea u get the picture..
one day she walks on the road. a car comes out from nowhere and well she's now stuck on the hosipital bed. paralysis head down. her career in the media fades as shes now unable to well be part of her career. her career has walked infront of her leaving her behind in that bed of sickness.
health changes people.

do we really take things for granted?

i had dinner with edwin earlier today, he needed to show me a photo regarding some police business. aniwae, he told me marco is leaving sg tmr. told me about how marco felt 'weird' being arnd me cos of the past sj stuffies. loads of memories came back to me. the old sj days. haha. its a long story and i dun want to bring it up anymore. let it just be part of my past tense...
i tout of some other events in my past which are quite well, i cant really think of the word touse, but in essence, doubled sided. thought of them on the train back home. it led me some pain and anguish. i probably lost some frens becos of those actions. do i regret? nope. i knew wat i did was right. i did everything in with the best intentions in mind, if people cant live with it den i guess i m just sorry things dun work out..
mum and dad's having some problems again. saw the tension about 3 hours ago when they came home from chinatown. a strong feeling welled inside of me. it felt lyk anger. i just wanted to show and smash something. it was hurt. i dunno why i felt that way.

someone is crying out in the world tonight. i m sure of it. somewhere theres a lonely person who feels lyk she/he is dying becos no one really seems to care. if only we knew. if only we knew how our frens were feeling inside underneath all the sheets and covers. this sounds really clishe but its it the truth? dont we take frens for granted, dont we take loved ones for granted? dont we take the comforts in our society for granted? i m sure we do. i was thinking ytd if i came home to find out some day that i had one less brother in the world or one less parent. how i felt. a great sense of saddness came over me. something i never felt before. even in an hypothetical situation. pain sored. pple hu noe me know i m not the best at showing emotions or feeling sad and stuff. but this shook me. have we all grown so indifferent that we dont care at all? i never want to lose a loved one without them knowing how i feel. but society today has changed everything right? go figure.

a shout out to any of my frens, anyone at all. if theres ever a time where goodbyes cant be dont properly, i want u to noe, i cared. no more apathy. i cared.

2006-04-13T22:49:00.000+08:00

i felt lyk blogging so..

heyy peep/
its been one heck of a tiring week. exhausted physically lyk nuts. sku work just cant seem to be done. its just always there. yawns i m tired. funny thing is, when i actually lie on my bed. i cant sleep. too much thoughts going thru my head. i cant help it. sometimes i wish i could forget everything. people. faces, memories. feelings. memories. haha. dream on.

i cant wait for my cast to be off. its super sian tat i cant exercise and play ball. its lyk i m gonna be rotting fer another 2 weeks or so. tat thought really puts me down..

i ve been on a mp3 addiction recently. i cant live a day without it. all i need in my lectures now is the ability to use my mp3 and confirm can stay awake de lor. gosh its quite bad. i nida pick up some nice solos. cant find any songs nice to learn. yawn.

pick me up from inside.
i m waiting.
still waiting..

i sing it while i feel i cant hold on.
i sing it because its all that comforts me..

2006-04-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

hey people.

just to wrap up everything. not tat anyone really cares but, just towrap up.

i dont really want o bother myself with these things. i figured i said this before but i guess i gotta redo this thru. things dont work out simply because nobody wants to go the extra mile to do the extra something, the say the extra words, to well just about do the simple something. people lyk these just dont come in this generation now. yea maybe 'he' cos much hurt, but you noe wat? at least there was something about him i respect. that no one could replicate.

take and go. who really cares which hand feeds you right?